Itchy

Anyone else's kids driving them completely insane? All the questions, the whining, the way they say, "hey Moooooom??" drawn out like a prison sentence?

Well. I figured it out. Their needyness grips onto me in such a way that I feel like I'm going out of my mind sometimes. I wonder why such little people can take away my choices and make me feel like a slave.

I have discovered it's because I love them so much. I don't want to hug my six year old for the 50th time because she's "scared that daddy isn't home and can't go to sleep without him". But I do because I love her. She walks toward me and my first urge is to reach out sternly and turn her shoulders back around and march her back into her bed. But at the last moment, my arms turn to jelly, and I hug her. With a grudge, but it is a hug. I pick up the baby who is wallowing in misery at my feet, even though my shoulders ache. I can't help myself.

I hate how much I love them sometimes! The love that has crippled me and caused me to misplace my backbone. Have you seen it anywhere? It's got to be around here somewhere... It would be so easy if we didn't love them. As long as we knew they were physically safe we could shut the door to their rooms at bedtime and not worry when they whine our name over and over. We could say no every time they asked for a popsicle because we wouldn't care about their feelings. It would be so easy.

But I let them eat popsicles. And sneak out of their beds. Because I love them, so much it makes my insides itch.