Ruby is 7.

Ruby at her elementary school, March 4th. 

Ruby,

You turned 7. And all along, I was methodical and tough and haven't let myself feel that yet. But then I played a beautiful sad song tonight and the tears came... I looked at your photographs and momentarily lost my ability to operate. Everything started melting as I saw your face, frozen in time on the day of your birthday.

I love tickling you. It's actually my favorite pastime. And if I had to choose between receiving briefcases of cash or tickling you, I'd probably still choose you. Your little teeny fingers, your no-boundaries-laugh, your eyes, hair, feet, bony knees, your sense of humor, they all get poured into your cauldron and out comes this child.... this perfect little treat. It's you. It's always been you. You're a magnet, you're a rhythm, you're a song.

Your delivery was the easiest, the least painful. I joked and chatted with the nurses in the minutes leading up to your entrance into the world. When I saw you, I was an emotional mess. You were pink and had lots of black hair. I went into that place of transcendance. A little teeny life was flashing over and over in my mind. Who would you be? Could I protect you? Did I deserve you?

You slept in a basket next to my bed for 8 days. At the end of the 8th day we flew from Salt Lake to Arizona to live. Our first big move as a family. We lied to Southwest Airlines about your age so they'd allow us to fly and the whole flight I was in fear that your ears would be damaged from the pressure. I remember flying over Provo, silent tears rolling down my cheeks, a new mother, so worried for your tiny body.

You have been such an easy girl. You have taught our entire family the meaning of love. From the first moments you could express it, you have spread love throughout our home, your circle of friends and our extended family. Those that get to know you are lucky. You are a shining light in everyone's lives.

From the moment my hands grasped your little 8 pound body, I knew that I couldn't live without you.

I love you,

Happy Birthday,

Your Mama.

A Magical Place.

Grace and Ruby are fast asleep, so I tiptoed in to take these photos in dim light. Grandma Mary got Ruby a craft kit for Christmas and Ruby made a one-eyed monster today. Then, during "reading time" tonight, G&R went nuts. Monster has a bed, pillow, and a pocket. Inside the pocket, a sponge cake. Green monster also has a few xbox remotes, and some netflix selections.

It's his birthday tonight, so that is why you may have seen a pinata hanging from his bedroom ceiling before he smashed it with his pipe cleaner arm. Also, a gift for him to open in the morning lays on his bedroom floor. Surrounded by bits of paper, foam, tape and markers, I laughed with them in their bedroom during their explanation.

I let go of my whole day, in a moment, laughing until tears threatened to peek from the corners of my eyes. Their faces, their lives, so funny and so smart. It's almost too much for me to handle.

Jake's cousin, Caitlin, came from AZ for a wedding and is spending some time with us here for a few days. She has really helped me appreciate my girls this weekend while Jake's been out of town for work. We laugh all day at Tada and duck when Lillie's temper flares. Grace and Ruby are completely underwater in friendship. They hardly ever fight. They create worlds together and there is no place on earth more magical than behind that closed bedroom door, every evening at 8.

Rube Reading.

My little Rube doing some reading on a snowy Sunday. I love to get my babies' socks on and snuggle them into bed when they are cold. I talk to them in a baby voice... they love it. Their toes always suffer during the winter months. I set aside some time every night to kiss their faces. Some prefer less, some more. Ruby lets me eat her nose and cheeks. She knows I will nuzzle her for as long as she lets me. Even as an infant, she always let me. Grace puts up with it. Lillie will tell you flat out: no more kissing! Tada lets me if she's distracted or is drinking milk.

When I close my eyes and think about my babies, all I feel is warmth and skin and tiny freckles and shoulders and socks and shoes on the floor and crackers and tears... a few birth marks. Some teeth. Some questions. Papers and pencils. Change. And knuckles.

Time is getting away from me. I hopped on a sled and it's tearing down the hill. The cold wind in my face, I don't stop myself, I keep going. It's good, after all.

I had two hours to myself this afternoon. There was inversion and the temperature outside is less than desirable. I put on Pandora, my space heater, edited some family photos and let the heat and energy of life and love bounce off the walls of my chest. It's another day and I am happy.

From the land of love: I bring you... RUBY.

First day of first grade.

Ruby,

Yesterday was your first day of first grade. I texted daddy, "Dropped Ruby off on her first day. That girl has magical powers over me". It is true, Ruby, you are a magical girl.

I sent you to school with blisters on your hands from the monkey bars at the park, scrapes on your knees, a bandaid on your toe and a mild black eye. You are a monkey baby. Won't you stop swinging from trees and ropes and couches?

After school you said, "Grace sat behind me at lunch. Not to the right, not to the left, DIRECTLY behind me. And also I made two new friends. Hannah and Olivia. Olivia just asked if I wanted to be friends and I just said yes and that was it. And we got two recesses! And I had to go to the bathroom during recess and when I came back out my class already went in the building so I went up to the first grade door and banged on it and then my teacher saw me and let me in and asked if there was anyone else out there with me and I said no. And I ate some of my lunch, I'll tell you what I ate..."

Ruby I miss the days when you drew me a paper that said "I never want to go to school again because I will cry and I will say, Mommy come back!"

I miss you, Ruby, there is no one that can fill my arms and throw their little limbs around me like you can. You linger there, your face against mine, your fingers lightly touching my hair and usually we both make an audible, "mmm".

There is no paradigm I know of or have ever experienced that can summate or contain my love for you. And that is that. See you soon.

Beauty.

The girls love to use my make-up (it's on our summer to-do list more than once). This is a photo of Ruby right after she did herself up, found some beautiful frocks in her closet and demanded I take her picture. My favorite thing about her is when she winds her thin little fingers around my neck and to the back of my hair, locks her eyes on mine and says, "I love you, Ma-Ma".

Leaving on a Jetplane... with lots of children and Nabisco products.

Ruby puffing a dandelion today.

We are leaving tomorrow for a couple of weeks in Florida with my husband's fantastic parents and family and my girls' cousins. We are excited out of our minds. A week at a beach house, kids everywhere, music, playing, sun, great food, laughter, laughter, kids, laughter, movies, laughter. The alligator farm, meeting up with friends, seeing cousins every single day, swimming in Nana's pool, sitting on Nana's lap (if you're small enough!).

A photo from two years ago below. It is everything Florida is. Naked babies, warmth, water, colors, and lots of turquoise!

Click here for some MyMatilda newborn photos...

Done with Kindy.

Isn't the above photo hilarious? Kids are going every which way, you can almost see them moving like they probably do nonstop. Poor teacher... I don't envy her job! 

Ruby finished kindergarten. I think I was in denial the whole year that she was even in school. She would come home and in my eyes, she's still a calm, artsy little 3 year old practicing her letters. Seriously? First grade? Whatever, it's probably not happening. Heard time's going to stop soon, so I'm just waiting...

Beauty and Bombs.

They get more gorgeous as time goes on... their faces changing over and over again.

This last baby is the surprise... she's SO bossy lately! She went from the perfect baby a few months ago, laying in the middle of the floor, no complaints, calm classical music playing as her soundtrack, to a screaming, wrestling, aggressive little bomb. She screams to communicate. And my brain throbs. But she's so CUTE at the same time. And when she's tired from all the screaming and wrestling, she still lets me swaddle and rock her.

If she would just let me, I'd chew on her all day.

Ruby Turns Six.

I took Ruby downtown to Urban Outfitters to take her birthday photos. 

Ruby,

You had a light in your eyes on your birthday. Your tiny, hand-sized face was pulled into a permanent grin. You floated about in your new dress, new shoes, new age. We shopped together and picked out a birthday cake. We did a photo shoot, took you to Wendy's and after that, swimming.

You want to take care of everyone.

You look up at me and the sky and say things that are far beyond your six years.

You are forgetful and we laugh about it so much. It's one of your cutest traits.

You are emotional. When your face is puckered in an earnest cry, I can't stop my knees from buckling.

You call me Ma-Ma. You draw me pictures. Ones that have deep, intricate meaning.

Your heart is open. You don't worry very much. You're free, and spiritual and loving.

Happy Birthday little one.