A Magical Place.

Grace and Ruby are fast asleep, so I tiptoed in to take these photos in dim light. Grandma Mary got Ruby a craft kit for Christmas and Ruby made a one-eyed monster today. Then, during "reading time" tonight, G&R went nuts. Monster has a bed, pillow, and a pocket. Inside the pocket, a sponge cake. Green monster also has a few xbox remotes, and some netflix selections.

It's his birthday tonight, so that is why you may have seen a pinata hanging from his bedroom ceiling before he smashed it with his pipe cleaner arm. Also, a gift for him to open in the morning lays on his bedroom floor. Surrounded by bits of paper, foam, tape and markers, I laughed with them in their bedroom during their explanation.

I let go of my whole day, in a moment, laughing until tears threatened to peek from the corners of my eyes. Their faces, their lives, so funny and so smart. It's almost too much for me to handle.

Jake's cousin, Caitlin, came from AZ for a wedding and is spending some time with us here for a few days. She has really helped me appreciate my girls this weekend while Jake's been out of town for work. We laugh all day at Tada and duck when Lillie's temper flares. Grace and Ruby are completely underwater in friendship. They hardly ever fight. They create worlds together and there is no place on earth more magical than behind that closed bedroom door, every evening at 8.

Grace and more.

She came home from school yesterday and there was something magic about her. I couldn't stop staring at her. I took a photo, and she changed into a different shirt, and I took a few more. My children are just that, mine. The familiarity of their faces, the "I'm coming home" factor, just blows me away. I've seen them, every day, for YEARS.

Every bit of them is chemically mine, is physically mine. Connected to me in unexplainable ways. The smell of their hair, the constellations of freckles I've memorized, the shape of their collarbones.... everything evokes so much emotion and love. These children. They are so precious.

Crushin'.

Grace and our neighbor Noah...

Grace and Twins.

Grace. With her beautiful skin and hair and self.

Below: Me, Hannah and Miriam. All moms now. My sisters are awesome. Hannah is having twin boys! She's due in August and if all goes well, I will photograph their birth. Hang in there Hannah. And we can make hearts on your stomach anytime you need a laugh!

Beauty and Bombs.

They get more gorgeous as time goes on... their faces changing over and over again.

This last baby is the surprise... she's SO bossy lately! She went from the perfect baby a few months ago, laying in the middle of the floor, no complaints, calm classical music playing as her soundtrack, to a screaming, wrestling, aggressive little bomb. She screams to communicate. And my brain throbs. But she's so CUTE at the same time. And when she's tired from all the screaming and wrestling, she still lets me swaddle and rock her.

If she would just let me, I'd chew on her all day.

Bring me home.

The grown-up girl is sitting there, playing with a little-girl princess toy. She took her pants off because they were stuffy. So she sits there in her underwear. Playing.

The world will swallow her whole. But not if she doesn't let it.

She's beauty and spice and a warm drink and some vinegar.

She opens me up. The majority of the time, she hoists me on her shoulders, clasping my hands as we wade through truth, tragedy and hundreds of normal days.

My girls bring me home.

They make being me possible.

Grace Turns Eight.

Grace,

I thought the library would be a good place to take you. You love reading so much and you read so late into the night that I confiscate your book light on a nightly basis. I want you to read, but I also want you to sleep.

You are my greatest friend. You're 8 now and so incredibly brilliant. You observe everything and read everything. Dad and I can't keep anything from you anymore. Especially since our house is teeny so every night when you go to bed you can hear every word Dad and I say! You'll wake up the next morning and say, "so... you're going to Costco today, huh?" or whatever you heard.

You are good in school, you're good at home, you're good at friend's houses. I know you well enough to know you still have that driving anger that gets you the things you want, when you want. But you bridle it and move on and genuinely want to do good things.

When Ruby was born, I brought her home from the hospital and you were two and you were sleeping. I curled up next to you and sobbed my eyes out. There went all our "firsts". You were no longer my only baby... What came next with you and Ruby was wonderful and beautiful as you made your relationship together as sisters. But that was a hard day for moving on from what we had.

Things I love about you:

Your bracelet fixation
You can braid your own hair and do your own pony tail
When someone does something mean to one of your sisters you start to cry
You take charge of everyone in almost every situation
Your purple mark on your legs from your purple winter boots that never goes away
Your obsession with being clean and cleaning under your fingernails
Your beautiful singing voice
Your timidness in some situations
The comics you draw and write about gymnastics, etc (especially the one called "The horror of gym")
How nice you are to people
How you remember every single person's name in your school class and have from day one of kindergarten
How you have so much faith in your parents... when we don't always deserve it...

Happy Birthday on Sunday, my first daughter.

GMS

freckles
smiles
strength
dreams
kisses
eyes
infant
toddler
girl
mine
his
first
endless
happy
trying
love
sleep

Recent Beauty...

All Right.

The day can be the worst or the best. I can yell a million times or not at all. But when it's night, and the babies are sleeping, I go back and check if I can nuzzle in with one of the older girls. Tonight it was Grace.

I tell her a million stories of when she was younger. Random memories of her peeing on the floor or saying something funny or having a birthday party.

I know it should be the other way around. I should be comforting them. But when I'm lying in their arms, and they tuck my hair behind my ears, I just know everything will be all right.

Graby

Eating their after school waffles, sharing a chair, wearing best friend necklaces.

With all that fighting they used to do, who would have thought?