It's just the way I am.

I am one of those people who constantly embarrasses themselves. I have tact about 80% of the time. The other 20%, I say too much, without thinking, too soon, too late, too loud. And for nothing but a good laugh. Or I stand up in testimony meeting and am so nervous that instead of getting to the point, I start telling funny stories. Not good. Jacob knows this and tries to help me and also has his own little spells of the same.

Telling people embarrassing stories about myself helps me heal. Because usually people don't say what they really think, they say things like, "That's really funny", or "Sarah, you're the best", or "Ya, I've done that before, too", and it helps me feel better about myself, even if it's not true.

A couple of things: You never want to guess if the older of two ladies is a grandmother or a mother. You never want to assume someone's pregnant. You never want to be in the Relief Society Presidency, sit up in the front of R.S. every week facing 40 women, and take role during the opening prayer (or sneak fruit snacks out of your bag during the lesson). Not good. You never want to lie to your neighbor that you're too busy to watch her kids, and then play at the park right next to your house. You never want to be at the grocery store checkout with screaming kids, using WIC coupons, and buying a pregnancy test.

Alright, enough about my past. Something that I did a few weeks ago: I got to church 15 minutes early to play the organ (I have so many embarrassing organ stories, it's ridiculous). I start with the prelude music. dum hm hm dum dum da dum, nice and slow and pretty. At about five minutes til the hour, the bishopric is seated on the stand, the deacons are in place to pass the sacrament and our ward has an eager 40-50 people already seated for Sacrament meeting. I reach over to my bag and pull out my granola bar. It's the nutty kind, with chewy honey and oats and almonds and peanut butter stuff on the bottom. The Costco ones. I'm taking chomp after chomp in between hymns and looking down, I can feel lots of eyes on me. But come on, people, a organist has gotta eat. No one knows when I'll eat next and I can feel it will probably be in about 4 hours when church is over. So I'm meeting gazes with a smile and plugging along to Joseph Smith's First Prayer with my mouth full. I finish and take a swig of my water bottle. Yum. Breakfast completed and all done before 9a.m. The service starts and about half way through TESTIMONY MEETING I realize it's Fast Sunday. DUUUUUUUH.