Gluttony.

27 weeks

It's hard work, gluttony. Takes focus, concentration, and deep breaths during meals. It's not an easy task gaining all the weight that I do. Sometimes after the kids go to bed, my Kitchenaid makes me treats. Often cookies. Sure, I have to measure the ingredients out, but Kitchie, she goes to work stirring my concoction, her motor running along with compassion and empathy. My finished product is then consumed anywhere from 9p.m. to 12a.m. And for breakfast and perhaps after lunch.

It's hard work, I tell you.

Most of the time.

My three treasure troves. All lined up watching a movie. All under one roof, still entertained by similar things. Lillie just starting to care about movies, Grace still interested in cartoons. mmmm. I imagine sitting on the couch in a few months, fifteen feet away, with my newborn daughter lightly breathing into my neck. It's going to be great. Most of the time. And I'm fine with most of the time.

Do you ever look at your babes, really look at them, and let their beauty wash over you? It's too much to handle most times. I think it's their milky white skin. Or how deep their eyes go. The way their hair sticks to their forehead. And my love for their lips is quite a heavy weight. And they deliver. They let me kiss them half to death. Especially that Ruby, she always has.

Grace goes back to school in the morning. She gives me a smirk when I bring it up, every Sunday evening, while I do a fake cry about her returning in the morning. She rolls her eyes a bit, giggles, and asks to make sure I'm including a juice box in her lunch.

And life just goes on and on.

Way too special for Kindergarten.

This girl. This little one. She's got mystery for brains. Jake and I are constantly shocked and surprised at the way she lives her life. Including the moment when she prayed to God for a new mattress. If that doesn't make us want to get one for her, I don't know what would.

The other night she told me that Moms are boring and Dads are fun. I know this is a fairly common sentiment among young children, so I didn't take it too personally. But I wanted to get to the bottom of what made her feel that way. So I asked her. She said I am mostly boring because I don't bend over and get things for her and I don't dance like a rock girl.

When my siblings come over to visit us, we turn on Youtube and go to town. We take turns dj-ing: Beyonce, Cyndi Lauper, Black-eyed Peas, Jay-Z, Regina Spektor. The kids dance, my family dances, we all throw out a couple of moves and do a little shouting. It's the way to get your weekend energy out on a Sunday evening. Apparently she's noticed that I don't dance exactly like Michael Jackson like my energetic, super-in-shape, non-pregnant brothers do. In her mind, it's a fair comparison.

She also mentioned to me that she likes my brother Gideon the best because he dances like a "rock guy" and Jared doesn't. Jared was very hurt. But I don't feel that bad. Jared, just be grateful that you worked your way into her subconscious somehow, that your name was even brought up. Because it takes effort with Ruby.

Sledding is dangerous.

I mean, they go FLYING down that hill. So fast. I swear they can't even breathe. It scares me, but they're in those bucket-like sleds and it helps them stay a little safer.

But who knew sledding would be dangerous for me? Especially when I don't even ride a sled. When we decided to leave, I walked across the cement pavilion and tripped over a metal hook that stuck up from the ground and fell straight onto my knees and hands. I was holding Lillie's hand and she biffed it as well. Her eskimo jacket narrowly saved her from injury.

I sustained traumatic emotional wounds. Including but not limited to falling when I'm pregnant (scary, risky, scary), and smashing the front of my 50mm lens which was attached to the camera hanging from my neck. It doesn't focus now. I was (am) heartbroken. Now I have to shoot everything in F/4 for the time being. Super duper lame.

On a lighter note, after an overwhelmingly exhausting week, we went to the Visitor's Center on Temple Square and happened to watch a wonderful video presentation upstairs on the values of family. I learned that the most important things to teach our babies, our children, is that they're loved. And that they're a Child of God. How simple is that?

That I can do.

Trash Day.

I always get a little excited on trash day. Getting rid of stuff excites me in general, so trash day is just a little joy I get once a week when They come and take away all my meticulously collected recycled items and not so meticulously collected trash. Phew, I think, a little lighter today.

My sentimental mind also dwells a little too long on how fast time is going, especially on trash day. How fast Wednesdays come and go. I swear, I just did this, yet another week has trudged by, and where was I? Looking out the kitchen window in a stupor? Was my head buried in my pillow (surely not)? And now everyone in my life is a week older. And all those mundane tasks like trash day will blend together, meaningless, as I may just as well be 60 years old with how fast this is all going.

Makes me question the things that take up my time. And who tells me they need to? How I want to change my schedule of importance. I think I'll change a little today. Let the laundry wait. Call my mother and my grandmother. Braid Ruby's hair and just stare at Lillie while she talks complete nonsense. It's all so fleeting.

Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank you for the names! You have helped me immensely.

Baby Names

My computer problems are solved! hauaauuuuuhhhhhh. I am so happy. So I'll be here a lot more often which is good because I've missed it.

Ruby told Jake the other night that she didn't want to have any babies. It was one of those last-of-the-day conversations when the girls are super chatty. They wrap their snake arms around you and tell you all sorts of controversial fragments to delay the impending lights out.

So Ruby said she really didn't want to have any babies. And do you know why?

She says she doesn't want to have to push them out. Jake can thank me for being so honest with them about childbirth. Hopefully she'll come around.

Speaking of babies, won't you help us name this one? We are at a loss.

Names I like in no important order:

Claire
Rosemary
Alice
Emerald
Savannah
Matilda
Odessa

Allow me to warn you. Jake doesn't like any of these names. And he's sort of the father and therefore sort of has to agree on the name...

The new name has to go well with:

Grace
Ruby
Lillie

But not sound too similar to any of them.

So give me some new names along my same taste, will ya? Old lady names, Great-grandmother names. We need them!

More on being cold.

Ever walk to the park on a 30 degree day? Sure, probably a handful of you have. As for me, I never remember Utah being this cold. Or slushy. Or unforgivingly windy. I am definitely a mushy gushy wimp. So is Lillie, just look at her! Bundled up like an Alaskan toddler. It's just that we run out of things to do indoors. And just think about how bad the whining would have to get to cause me to walk to the park in the winter. Now you know how bad the whining gets!

But we did amass a small collection of pinecones. And decorated them with glitter. And the clouds drifting off the tips of the snowy mountains was breathtaking... although that could have been the cold wind.

All together, it was a good day. I love you my little loves.

p.s., I took photos of this baby on Friday, see all of them here.

And I know what you're thinking... but there was a space heater blasting him the entire time. He was nice and toasty!

Holding.

Rocked my babe to sleep again tonight, as usual. I literally hold that child until she falls asleep. I sit with her in the rocker and watch her drift off. Watch her leave this world for another. No more processing the sounds from the hallway, no more picking at my chin, no more voluntary movements. She goes still and I think again, for the millionth night, how incredible it is to be a mother. Especially to mine.

She's been feverish. Tonight, finally, it's gone. Her head is cold, like it should be. She's bundled, with socks and a shirt and pajamas. Her nose is slightly cold and her temperature is completely normal again. Nothing foreign in her body struggling for the throne.

It's a special thing, what I share with Lillie. By the time her new sister comes she'll have had almost two years of her mom's heartbeat in her ear as she lets sleep come upon her. I love it. Don't know how I'm going to break it. But I'll always hold really close the memories of this time. Of not being able to give her much compared to my first, but being able to give her this.

Mama loves you Lills. All 26 pounds of you.

Mountainland.

No TV stand yet...

Our backyard with a garden area separate in the back.

Here is our home. We are renting it until we find a place to buy. This area is amazing. Right up against the mountains, up high on a hill, close to everything we need.

What a huge change. HUGE. The first night in our lovely little place our heater broke. Turned off. Never to turn back on no matter what we did. We froze. And Jake had to work the next morning. So the girls and I made phone calls starting very early until we had someone out by 11a.m. By then it was 55 degrees in our house. That is so far beyond cold for an indoor temperature. We were all in shock, huddled on the couch, with layers on, and a comforter on top. And the girls were nuts, asking me a million times if they could go outside and play in the snow. I'm like well that confirms it, none of you think clearly.

Problem fixed, we moved on to weekend chores and unpacking. I woke up each morning to massive mountains. Massive. I had forgotten how huge. We took a drive, drinking in our new surroundings, getting our bearings. We've never lived in this particular area so everything is new. I could have kissed the young mexican boy at Cafe Rio who handed me my first Veggie Salad With Shredded Lettuce And Everything On It.

Grace has moved on from the Lakeland crowd and onto the Utah boys. Apparently she is going to marry Evan from her class. He comes up to her cheek. She says he's a little small but very nice and plays Alvin the Chipmunks the Squeakquel on the playground with her and her new friends. I drop her off in the morning (curse the bitter cold that makes Lillie cry when it touches her warm morning hands) and she gallops off to form a line with the rest of her first grade class. She adapts so well.

When Lillie was born it took Ruby a few days to have the desire to hold her. She then fell in love and came into her big sister title in her own time. Same with our move. Wasn't happy with the change, missing Reef and Nana, didn't like the cold, etc. But today as she and Grace were outside playing in the snow, riding scooters around the driveway (it was in the 40s!) eating leftover Iceberg ice cream with two spoons (nuts I tell you), she proudly exclaimed that she LOVED THE SNOW. And she was VERY HAPPY! And I smiled back at her. What a little thing.

Jake and I are both really happy here. It's where we met and fell in love. It's where we started our family. It's where we feel the most at home. I have some dear friends that live here and I hope to meet more people as we settle in. I feel lucky to have a little house to tuck my family into, lucky to have a car to drive, lucky to live in another great place, lucky to have so many people who care for us.

Lucky to have eaten that root beer float a minute ago. In case you were wondering, 23-week baby girl Smylie in utero is growing just fine. And she loves root beer.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Change.

There have been some changes in the Smylie household. As in we sold the Smylie household.

We will be moving to Utah next week. Jake will still be working with his family's business.

We put our house on the market and thought we'd be here until it sold in the spring or summer. We had an offer within three weeks, a buyer who wanted to close in 8 days. So it's been quick. And stressful.

We're heading back to the west. Most things about that are good. Except the heart-wrenching aspect of leaving our family behind in Florida. Two years of living next to Jake's parents (who are like my own) and several sister-in-laws with children the same ages as mine, all living in the same neighborhood. It's going to be a huge change and I get really emotional when the absence of those I've grown so close to sinks in.

Grace embraces it, Ruby is worried about the changes, Lillie doesn't even know her middle name. How will we all handle it? Pretty good, I hope... as good as we always do. We're thinking (I know some of you don't believe us given our record) that we'll stay in Utah for a long, long time, and that encourages and uplifts us. We are both ready to plant our feet.

We have grown immensely these past two years. I have learned so much from the people of Gibsonia ward, my dear friends and people I've met through Lincoln Academy. We've melted into the community here and really experienced the southeast. It's a different world!

So, onto the new. We'll be living 7 minutes from Cafe Rio. You may laugh like it shouldn't matter... it definitely does. My two sisters and my two brothers live there and will be there to greet us. Grace's new school is very close to our house. It's nestled up against the mountain and we have a big fenced backyard with fruit trees and a large space to grow a garden.

Photos to follow!!