Holding.

Rocked my babe to sleep again tonight, as usual. I literally hold that child until she falls asleep. I sit with her in the rocker and watch her drift off. Watch her leave this world for another. No more processing the sounds from the hallway, no more picking at my chin, no more voluntary movements. She goes still and I think again, for the millionth night, how incredible it is to be a mother. Especially to mine.

She's been feverish. Tonight, finally, it's gone. Her head is cold, like it should be. She's bundled, with socks and a shirt and pajamas. Her nose is slightly cold and her temperature is completely normal again. Nothing foreign in her body struggling for the throne.

It's a special thing, what I share with Lillie. By the time her new sister comes she'll have had almost two years of her mom's heartbeat in her ear as she lets sleep come upon her. I love it. Don't know how I'm going to break it. But I'll always hold really close the memories of this time. Of not being able to give her much compared to my first, but being able to give her this.

Mama loves you Lills. All 26 pounds of you.