What's coming up.

Today I'm posting this photo because it represents something. Me, looking down on Lills. Not able to squat any longer. Normally, I get down on her level anytime I'm taking her photo, but that time has passed. It is very hard for me to come out of a squat. I usually have to go onto one knee and use a hand to push off the ground. I'm just sayin', times are changing.

Our Easter was wonderful. All about General Conference and greed. The greed part being, "We hid some candy eggs in the yard, go outside and find as many as you can. Then, pig out. Ready, set, go." The General Conference part was nice, including making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, distributing snacks and breaking up fights, and in the interim, catching a few quotes here and there. I kept reminding myself to really go back and read certain talks. It's the only way.

Almost all of my siblings were here at my house. Naomi and her husband came from Rexburg, ID, Miriam and her husband, Jared and his wife, Gideon and his wife, Hannah and her husband and my neice, Kayla. Bethany, my little sister who's in High School drove out from California with some friends for conference and spent the day with us here. We were only missing Isaac and Rachel. It was a blast. There was at least one uncle or aunt drawing or doing art with the girls all day long. And Lills was very entertained. And I think I ate virtually all day (and into the night, shhhh).

I have become a shell of the intellectual I used to be. Don't ask me any questions that aren't related to childbirth or a baby. I won't be able to properly represent the brain that's inside me somewhere. Even during conference talks, when hearing about mothers and children and leading and guiding, my hand finds its way to rest gently on my belly. Another little child coming to us.

5 more weeks. And today's almost over, so that means I'll have 4 weeks and 6 days (give or take). Not that I'm counting. This impending baby is the only thing I can think about. It has consumed me. One minute she's got the hiccups, the next I'm trying to scoot her foot around the outside of my belly. I picture her, think about her back and her head and her legs and all the others.

I think about labor. I'm a little nervous, given my history with Lillie being born 2 minutes after I arrived at the hospital. It's just the one thing that I thought I'd have so much control over but after Lills realized it can go a little awry. So I'm excited for her to come. She could be born today and I would be overjoyed, ready, happy, relieved. But in the back of my mind lies the dormant memory of the terrifying pain and euphoric joy that comes from birthing.

It's an interesting irony. But will be beautiful no matter what.