Shrieking With Joy.

Here is the new four walls which contain our little life. Conversations now echo off our new floors and ceilings. Yummy breezes blow in from our back patio and into our new kitchen! Girls are happy, we are happy, and I can't get over how lucky we are to have this home! It's new, 3bd/2ba + den. It is the coziest place and I am so in love with where I live. This is our view from the back of the house. We plan to fence it eventually to keep the girls a little safer. It is gorgeous though, there are birds everywhere.
Here's the troupe of people who came to visit this week! My brother from Utah and two sisters, one from California and one from North Carolina.
Rache and the Lill.
Sister Naomi and her little neice. They leave tomorrow, OH the PAIN!!!

ps, How fantastic is that window light?? I love this place.

New Dawn.

Tonight is our last night in our [not so fab] apartment. We are moving tomorrow! On Wednesday morning we will wake up to tiled floors, a breakfast bar, brown walls, big bathtubs, blue shutters, a little palm tree out front and a big back yard. We wallowed in indecision just long enough to get a great deal on a house and we are so excited. Photos to come, of course. Happy Thanksgiving, indeed!

On A Sunday Night.

-I am thankful for Q-Tips.
-I am thankful for my stomach pooch that reminds me of carrying my little ones.
-I am thankful Jake is done with college.
-I am thankful for bras.
-I am thankful for my camera lens. I try not to cuddle with it at night.
-I am thankful for my recent decision not to smell the girls' underwear to test if they're clean.
-I am thankful for Disney, Pixar, Dreamworks, Sony, Samsung, etc.
-I am thankful for spaghetti sauce in a jar.
-I am thankful that driving a mini-van repels most male Florida teenagers from pulling up to me at a stop light and acting obnoxiously desperate.
-I am thankful my husband is a picky eater. He only really likes three things, which makes cooking dinner very easy.
-I am thankful for this here innernet.

-And I am extensively grateful for my family, friends, husband and beautiful daughters. Daughters who gave me a broad headache today, but from whom I've learned my precise identity.

The Dreaded Night.

Last night was The Dreaded Night. I knew this time would come, I didn't know when, or why, but it had to. It was inevitable. I knew it was The Dreaded Night the moment Grace announced from the back of the car that "Nicholas kissed me!". Fear rose in my stomach and sent an itch over my entire body. It was just the thing that made me realize tonight we would have to have The Dreaded Talk.

Maybe I'm too reactive or a little overzealous, but I sat her down and thought it was important to start with the real names of girl and boy anatomy. Just in case they used those names at school or anywhere else. We got to the correct name of the girl's anatomy and she did mention that it sounded like a Spanish word from China, and I had to agree with her there. I suppressed a giggle and moved on (see how mature I am?). What's an appropriate kiss was demonstrated as well as an appropriate hug. We talked about many other things that are sensitive and important. Of course, I didn't explain The Big One, but she's a little young for that. I started out simple.

After contemplation, I think it was the perfect age to start. She wasn't really that embarrassed to say or hear anything, but smart enough to realize these things are private and important. I told her what to tell boys that want to kiss or show or hug too much: "Back off Buddy!" We pinky-promised full disclosure with only each other. It went really well for our first installment. I am very afraid of what my future holds as a mother of daughters, all with very kissable lips (trust me, I know). What in this world am I going to do? How will my heart, with it's thin walls and destructible pulsing purpleness hold up with all this free Kindergarten Love? Pray for me, do pray for me.

Not Your Regular Troublemaker.

Dear Ruby,

I need you to go to the bathroom more often. So we don't have so many little accidents. I know you can do it, I visualize dry panties every single morning, but you don't hold up your end of the deal. That's the first thing. Secondly, please stop screaming about everything. I know your brain must be pumping with unused energy and emotion, but I can't handle it when you scream. Something inside of me wants to blow out your candle, just to get a few moments of silence. I don't want to be unkind, but the volume you display only forces me to react unfavorably. See, I know that Good Ruby will come back. I know she's only just hanging her head in the corner while Monster Ruby is here. Good Ruby: I'm waiting, hurry along.

I love you. From the moment you were born you have had power over me that Grace didn't. A different feeling surrounded you. You snuggled, you purred, you slowed down for me when I needed some affection. I have always felt very close to you and rarely at odds. These days I feel you slip away from my warm side while you discover your own person. Painful, but necessary.

You fell asleep next to me tonight. You will probably never know how it felt for me to cradle your thin body against mine, so long and tall. You'll never know all the thoughts I had while I watched your chest rise and fall, slowing down, until you were fast asleep. I remembered in sequence most of today's happenings, most of the things you said and asked for, and the phrases you repeated over and over. You're a puzzle, a test, a goal, a challenge... And one heck of a little daughter.

I guess it doesn't really matter that I wake up to my eyelids burning themselves into my eyeballs every morning. That I woke up at 1am, then 2, then 4, then 5am for the day. I suppose it's the least I can do for she who I chose to bring into this world. Babies certainly teach me patience and love, nudging me just enough to surpass the maniacal tendencies that only come from a profound lack of rest.

But do her eyes look tired? No, no, they do not. That girl is ready to hop on my lap and dig her fat little toes into the tender skin of my thigh while she talks to the wall, couch and cartoon.

This is the good stuff. This is it.

Mm, Grandparents.

Jake's beloved Nana and Mom talking to Grace.

Snuggling with Pa (Jake's grandfather).

Lillie perched on her Nana's lap, her chubby ankles soaking up the sun.

Nana's familiar hand on the newest baby Smylie.

Lillie being consumed, as usual.

And in case anyone was wondering: we know how lucky we are.

Kindergarten Drama

"I love you and you are the best and you are a cute girl". Eloquent words by Grace's most pursuant admirer, Nicholas The Kindergartner. I don't know how I feel about this kid. He's a little scraggly guy, about a foot shorter than her. He's got blonde hair (oh the horror!) and blue eyes. I've got nothing against blondes, but if there is anyone who will look good at the elbow of a tall, dark and handsome man it is her with her thick black hair and snowy white skin (not that I'm biased).

I have heard conflicting chatter about this man, Nicholas. First he's great, he's wonderful, he's complimentary. Then he calls her a few names and hides and says he will not, under any circumstances, be part of the girl's club anymore. Uh, wha? Why was he part of the girl's club again, remind me? Grace seems generally uneffected by his inconsistencies and as of now, he's still writing her love notes. Looks like Grace's beauty and magnetism prevails! He just can't stay away long. You go, little girl.

Food And Such Things.

I don't need to tell you how she makes me feel. I don't need to tell you that her slobber is a welcomed, wet feeling against my cheek every single day. I don't need to say that her weight distribution is perfect for 8lbs above my forearm, 8lbs below it. I also don't need to say: she ate rice cereal today. Solids. It marks the beginning of me actually having to pay attention to what and when she eats. A forever journey. May her poo not start to kill me right away...

Things I Worry About.

Maybe these will all sound ridiculous at some point in my future? We shall see.

-Does Grace think she is beautiful, really super beautiful?
-Will I ever feel organized?
-Are my siblings going through hardships that I don't know about?
-Will I ever be skinny again?
-What of this crazy country I live in, that I'm proud of and scared of?
-What kind of financial and social climate will my daughters have to deal with as youth?
-I need to find time to do a thousand little things, finish my real estate classes, decorate my house, write more.
-I need to learn how to cook better.
-Are we where we're supposed to be? Have our decisions been right?
-I need to get a job. A small one, maybe teaching piano? Something.
-How about all my Christmas gift ideas? Will they ever hatch, or will they stay dormant yet again?
-Blogging seems to be the only thing I do consistently...
-Am I teaching my girls enough, talking to them enough?
-Will Lillie ever let me sleep? (I know the answer to this one... all in good time).
-I need to keep my car cleaner, my house cleaner.
-How and when will I ever become the pillar my mother is?

And the list goes on. I feel constantly behind! And with a little 16-pounder under my right arm, I get very little done. But when I stare at her, sleeping, sucking her tongue, fluttering her eyes, the scales tip slightly to the heavenly side and the day ends with me knowing that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

Balding And Progressing.

This is my babe Lillie at 4+months. She is my Thanksgiving Feast this year. For dessert, Ruby's bottom lip.

All Mine.

Lill
Rubes

Grace
Lillie

Ruby
Grace

Lillie

At Home Today.

After Jake spent thirty minutes showing Grace how to smile with her teeth, she smiled like this. And the afternoon of picture day, she came home and promptly announced she smiled with her teeth showing, just like he asked! Liar. If she only knew how beautiful she really was! She was sick last night, throwing up, so I kept her home today. I think if she had the sniffles I would have kept her home as well, I miss her. If I was responsible enough, I would do home school. Right now she and Dubes are wandering around with stuffed animals tucked in dish towels. Because that's what happens in their normal world. That's what would probably happen if I did home school. Possible agenda: imaginative play, breakfast, more play, beach, possible singing of the ABC's on the way home, dress up and dance in the living room until dinner. Ya... see what I mean?

The 4th Day Of November.

Vote. You will feel empowered.

Photos taken Saturday, November 1st. The girls were fighting so I ordered them to march outside for some... picture taking.

Today was lovely. We went to the beach after church. It was stormy and breezy with patches of rain, and the ocean was very cold. I didn't bring my camera or my phone, I just played with the girls on the sand without a care. The evening came on quickly and we sat under a pink sunset sky, Jake fishing, the girls looking for shells as Lill and I watched the birds swoop down in the evening light. It was peaceful, there were only a few people sparsely dotting the shoreline. Of course the night was not without it's one thousand potty breaks, most of which were saved for the drive home. I sat in the back seat with them and all of their paper, pens, pretzels, car seats, chatter, sticky hands, crumbs and screaming. Just an all-around great night.

p.s. If someone told me I could only do one thing all day every day for the rest of my life, it's safe to say I would choose to tickle Ruby.