Today

Today is the day. Gracie lost her tooth this morning and my water just broke. Headed to the hospital and I can hardly wait! Things just have a way of coming together.

40 Weeks

I am inside in the air conditioning for a bit. Jake and Ruby are napping and I have just eaten a few pounds of jelly beans. Donna took this photo of me last night. The sunset was gorgeous and all 15 (or so) of our family were all out at dusk, throwing a football around and taking photos. I think the air temperature was exactly the same as my body temperature. Perfect. I know I will look back at this time in my pregnancy and miss it terribly.

Love to all.

Happy Days

Running out of the water as a beautiful afternoon storm rolls in.

Below: A gorgeous morning.

Jake and Ruby are constantly in this type of interaction. Him feigning deep concern while she drills him with very serious topics.
My brother in law caught a blowfish.

We are having a great time at the beach. I had some time today to post these pictures, we came back into town for my doctor appointment and Jake had to work today. Grace's front tooth is SUPER loose and I told her we could make a deal: maybe her tooth and our new baby can come out the same day? We shall see. The dr. said I am 2 centimeters dilated and 50% softened. Which really means absolutely nothing. It's just nice to know I'm more than 0 cm and 0%. He also said that he would be surprised if I made it through the weekend. You all heard it. Let's see if that's really true. I'm feeling so heavy and large now, I can't imagine going another week. It certainly would test my inner strength and sanity. Here's to another few days of waddling along the beach!

Family Vacay

We are off to Redington Shores, FL for a Smylie Family Beach Vacation. A whole week of beaching, eating, playing games, laughing, talking, photographing, staying up late and much more. It's been in the planning for a year now and everyone is so excited. I'll be about an hour and a half away from my Dr. and hospital. So let's all just hope that I don't have Baby Girl in the car on I-4! I will be back on Tuesday for a little while to have my 40wk Dr. appointment, so I will keep everyone updated. And to clarify, we don't really want baby to come out anymore. Not until the 28th when we're done at the beach. But as we all know by now, she has her own agenda.
P.S. . . . I am DYING to see what she looks like! Black hair? Brown hair? What size lips? What shape chin and nose? And forehead? And sticky outty ears? And toes and fingers long, short, what?? And what will the bridge of her nose look like? And will she have chubby cheeks? The suspense is killing me.

My Little Procrastinator

Drumroll please. And a big marching band playing a triumphant song. Because Baby Girl Smylie has finally turned around. Head down. She has assumed the position and is making my life SO very happy right now. No more worrying about her being breech. No more feet kicking where they shouldn't be. Thank you baby girl, for thinking of me and turning in my 39th week (in fact, turning just THIS MORNING before my appointment). Thank you for not waiting 'til next week. I am considering it your gift to me for being your mom and carrying you all of these months. Now.... if only... to go into labor. Every pregnant mother's dream at this point in the pregnancy.

So Grateful

The two beauties giving me a "Happy Father's Day" smile.

I have noticed my blog's gotten a bit: "tell you my feelings". I really am sick of myself. All the reflections, emotions, all these nerve endings in my brain crying out for attention and "feed me with tears and lamenting". Yes, sick of it. SO. Onto today... I never ever ever thought I'd make it to 10 days til my due date. It's all so exciting. And dang, baby girl, just turn over already!!

Here are a few things that help me celebrate my 39th week:

I am a puffy puff ball.
My lips are double Angelina Jolie's. And it's not a compliment.
I have some solid pockets of back fat.
The universe forced me to replace prenatal vitamins with lots and lots of white bread. Weird.

I have a few people to thank:

Jake, for pushing our clean laundry from our bed onto the floor and declaring, "Aw, love, WE'll just fold that tomorrow!" Mmmmm hmmm... (Jake and I disagree on the meaning of "we").

Grace, for only slamming a door in anger once the whole weekend. For refusing to eat rice for dinner and thinking, in all her genius, that an apple would suffice for a full meal.

Ruby, for saving up all weekend to fill her night diaper with stinky-stink for me this morning (Ruby and I disagree on the meaning of "potty-trained").

New Baby, for giving me just enough physical pain that having a newborn will feel easy-breezy.

Happy Father's Day, Dad!

Here's a picture of my dad as a scout leader... I think he was about 21 years old and had my older sister Rachel on his back. I don't have the physical stamina to spend much time in this computer chair tonight, but I will say this. Today during the talks in Sacrament Meeting, I was overcome with gratitude for my father on so many levels. I was overcome also with how much I still miss him. I have lived away from my parents for 11 years and still feel that ache, sitting in church having a little cry for my wonderful, wonderful father. I miss the lines in his face, the sound of his laugh (which just isn't the same over the phone), the way he stands, his old shoes, the way he pours salsa on everything, and the way he makes every situation into a GOOD one. I love ya Dad.

More of the Same

(Photos by Grace)
You know those certain times of year when things just seem to be moving too fast? Like Christmas. Or your birthday. Or the end of June... Ever since I found out my baby is head up into my ribs, I've been feeling this way. Like I want to just slow things down.

My day is going by in flashes. A flash of Ruby last night who when I read the story of "Ping", she put her head on my arm and started caressing my wrist and hand and then held my hand steadily. You see, "Ping" is the story of a duck who loses his family for most of the book and then finds them at the end. The very page when he sees his family sail away on their little boat and he is left in the reeds all alone, is the moment when her head went, "dunk" onto my arm and she couldn't help herself. She felt it so strongly, how it would really feel to lose her family. I felt it, too, and I was so drawn in by that little head right next to me and the way she told me how she felt with no words at all. As I type, she's daytime Ruby again, and since I've asked her to use the potty, she's been running around naked from the waist down, jumping around, asking in a weird dialect if she can play her daddy's ukelele. All the while she hasn't stopped moving or throwing herself against surfaces (like my clean bedspread).


And then there's this girl. Who started a summer preschool program this past Monday. In Florida, it's a free 6-week program that gets pre-kindergartners ready for Kindergarten. I thought it would be great for her, since she has never gone to school, she needed some preparation. I think it's preparing me, mostly, to tackle that horrible sick feeling of having my baby girl gone most of the day. Away from me and our temperature-activity-influence-controlled environment here at home. It's hard. Let me just tell you that much.

Monday, I bawled as soon as I walked out of the school at 8 a.m. after dropping her off. I was still crying about ten minutes later when I finally got ahold of myself (I was almost home). It's just so SAD. And she loves it SO MUCH. And she wanted me to leave her there. And she was so grown up about it. Carrying her head up like a real 5 yr. old. It was just too much to handle. And now she has some friends. And they give her a high five when she walks in in the morning and a loud, "HI GRACE!!" And she loves it. And tells me that I need to leave her there the WHOLE time (I picked her up two hours early the first two days because I just really was ancy) and when I try to ask her the details she kind of looks out the window like she's thinking about it all on her own. Just talk to me Grace. Always, always, talk to me. That's all I really want in this life.

Changed My Mind

Sorry guys. I decided not to go in for the "external cephalic version" (see below). I was getting nervous in the afternoon, and by this evening, just had to go with my instinct which is: leave the baby alone, wait a little bit and maybe she'll flip on her own. There was a good chance that everything tomorrow would have gone fine, but there was also a chance that the doctors turning her would have caused her to go into distress, and then I would have a c-section at 37 almost 38 weeks. I decided to wait and see if I can hold her in there for another week or so. Who knows, if they miscalculated my due date at all, she could be younger than 38 weeks and born with her lungs being slightly premature or some other complication.

Maybe I'm just a natural girl, but I didn't get excited about two people pushing her around with their forearms, either. Who knows what the next week or two will bring, but there is a high chance that I'll have a c-section because she's breech. 87% chance, actually. I've been on Google a lot tonight:) So I'm trying to get used to that. And hoping for the best. These decisions are tough, but I am SO lucky to have a healthy (and hairy) baby girl in there!

Anyone?

Has anyone ever tried to turn a breech baby? Because that's what they're going to do to me at the hospital at 8a.m. tomorrow. All I know is that I have one NAUGHTY baby on my hands. How can you be head down every single appointment except the 38 week appointment? You can if you're a little sassy pants like she is. But by the ultrasound, we know that she does HAVE HAIR! And it's spiky. Can't wait to see her. If the "version" goes well and she stays head down, then I will just wait a few more days, or weeks, until I go into labor on my own. If they can't turn her, then I will have to schedule a c-section for the next week or so which I have never had... ugh. And if they turn her and her heart rate goes down or her cord "compresses" or gets wrapped around her neck, then they're going get her out tomorrow. But that's a very small chance, so we will plan on best case scenario.

Wish us luck...

Nearing Completion

This is the point where I start upping the exercise. Or should I say, adding the exercise since there IS no exercise to start "upping". Jumping jacks, side bends, stairs, jogging, mental calisthenics. You name it, I will try it. Little Baby Girl Smylie, I have loved housing you in my warm tummy, but the next 2.5 weeks are going to be rough.

We Lost Something

Dear Grace,

Your teeth have always been important to me, specifically, from the day your second top tooth came in and I noticed a huge gap in the middle. A gap that would not fill in as your others came in over the years. A gap that sets you apart. On Monday, June 2nd, you lost your first tooth. This huge milestone did not come and go without a lake of tears and lots of very repeatable phrases. Most of which I will share here.

We were swimming, you were biting on a pool floatie, one of those noodle-type ones. Somehow, it was jerked a little to the left and your tooth was loosened until it was only hanging by a thread. You screamed, I got into my super-calm-ignore-the-blood mode. I told you it was ok, but you could very well assess on your own that IT. WAS. NOT. OK. Into the bathroom we both ran [I hobbled] and onto my lap you plunged as we sat down. More crying, more trauma.

"I want it OUT!!!"

"Maybe we can leave it in a little longer and it will come out on it's own."

"No, I want it OUT NOW!" (I try to pull it a little and it didn't come out).

"Um, maybe we can leave...", interrupted by,

"(combination of blubbering and despair!!!)"

At this time, Gracie girl, you reached inside your mouth and yanked out your first tooth. Just like that. Shortly after, you dropped it into a crack in the pool deck while you showed your aunts, cousins and nana the tiny little white piece of bone that was your first tooth. Ali fished it out with tweezers and you were so relieved!!

Things you have said since: "I hope a tooth grows back RIGHT AWAY", "I don't know how I'm supposed to always chew on that one side of my mouth!", "We better open a window for the tooth fairy to come through", "When the tooth fairy gives me dollars, I will give you some to buy some new baby things, ok Mommy?", "I can't believe the tooth fairy only gave you a quarter when you were little, that's NOT very much!" and, "I think the tooth fairy gave me dollars, but DADDY took my tooth. That's what I think..."

So In Love With My Little Emotional Wreck...