Tuesday, December 29, 2009

My Grace Today.

Why is my list so long? Things I worry might happen to her, to them. It goes on and on with multiple possibilities. Say she dodges them all, the mean fifth grade friends, the teenage angst, all the hard stuff. She graduates from high school pretty unscathed, and with a few close friends and decent grades, gets into college. Let's say she gets that far and is fairly unharmed.

Then what?

Things seem to just get more complex. What if she marries wrong and is unhappy? What if she has a family and loses a child? It's horrible to think about. But I do. And then for instance, all our prayers are answered and she handles her life well, deals with small problems, gets the main things she's always hoped for, and her sisters do the same, will I then be able to breathe?

Will I ever stop picturing her as a warmish red infant in my arms, me so afraid to be her mother, so afraid to let my heart love a little human so strongly?


Jodi said...

No because you will always be her mother. Just don't forget to relish in the little things while you worry about the big things!

ingrid said...

you have made me cry because these are the fears & anxieties that I have too & sometimes they consume me when I am not prepared enough to fight them off. Lets hope that our hearts are big enough to be there & our minds are sharp enough to help them if/when they need us to stand by them. xxx

Carin said...

No, you never stop worrying and usually you can't breath----but somewhere along the way, you turn it all over to Heavenly Father and realize that they were never truly yours in the first place. You were given the gift to watch them grow, to love, to teach, to guide and to train, and mostly to learn. But they have always been His and He does all of those things better than we do. He loves them more, teaches them better, and has way more interest in their growth and development and ours. Which is why He gives us the opportunity to do it all over again when they start having children. Someday, through our experiences, we may be as He is.

Ali Wade said...

If only I could express myself so beautifully. All I can say is, I understand completely!

Jessie said...