Bulletin to Ruby and all other children of the nation:
Stop peeing on the couch. Stop peeing on the throw pillows. I know you're too lazy to get up and walk to the toilet. Or maybe it's not laziness (ex: you can run in circles for hours and scream just for fun, so I know you have lots of energy). You see, I have a tiny washing machine and dryer. And when I have to wash pillows and couch cushion covers I become very grumpy and start speaking harshly to anyone that comes near me, and limbs are therefore at the mercy of my very tight grip. Why is this funny for you? Why does it feel nice to squat on a pillow and feel warm urine eeking from your body, through your undies and dress, and onto a pillow that mommy and daddy bought? Who knows. I would like to know. Why do you feel like you can touch the wet pillow afterward? When have I ever taught you that this is ok? How can your skinny, cute little body cause so many problems for our household?
I took the leaf out of the middle of our table today. We just needed more room in our "kitchen" (I laugh at the mere use of that word as it pertains to our townhome because our "kitchen" is very small). So I took the leaf out. The girls have never been so happy in their lives. The squealing, "It's so CUTE!!!!" and, "It's a little tiny, tiny BABY TABLE!!!!" and, "Mommy, I'm SO GLAD you did that!!!" The mundane things can make them so happy, and it drives me to wonder: if I make your kitchen table smaller will you stop peeing on my furniture? Can we just shake on that? Pinky promise?