A Mama.

Mama,

Almost every day a thought crosses my mind, like a running shadow, as the afternoon grows long. It's a fleeting one, and always unique. It's a thought of you. Sometimes in the wrinkles of my hands, or the way I chop vegetables, looking through the kitchen window at the girls playing together. Their laughter floats toward me and I think of you. How long ago you did the same thing. Prepared dinner, managed the endless sea of dishes and laundry and needs, laughed and cried at the weight of your responsibility.

You gave us yourself. The best way you knew how. And that's what I try to do, every day. Mother my girls the best way I know how.

My affection for you translates everything and translates into everything I do. Decisions I make, even the little ones, reminisce of you. There's something about you in almost everything I do. That's a mother to me. The one who I cannot separate myself from, no matter how many miles I travel. One can clamor to find the line, the one where you end and I begin. But I cannot find it, and for that I am happy.

All I can say is thank you. A million times, thank you.

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To my babies:

Make You Feel My Love
When the rain

Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you
Haven't made
Your mind up yet
But I would never
Do you wrong
I've known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong

I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
No, there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
Though winds of change
Are throwing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing
Like me yet

I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love

Dad.

Today's my dad's birthday. I just got off the phone with him, one of my best friends.

I am SO SO beyond words grateful and in love with my dad.

He's a thinker, optimist, giver, surfer, hiker, camper. He's gentle, kind, helpful, smart, funny, energetic, skeptical and a little rebellious.

My sister Naomi wrote a beautiful post today about him and I want to share part of it:

"I love your hands. They are so big and strong. They are confident. They have seen so much of the world. They surf. They plant daffodils. They climb mountains. They pull your glasses out of your shirt pocket. They fed your kids for 25 years by being covered in grease and cuts from fixing cars. They held each of us. They blessed us every year before starting school. They have always been there to hug me. They hold mom. I can not wait to someday put my children in those wonderful, beautiful hands."


Love ya, Dad. 


We are lucky lucky lucky.

Featured...

I was featured on a local blog today, Or So She Says.

My Matilda's Nurtureshoots are a great way to celebrate Mother's Day. 

Until May 15, I'm offering a NurtureShoot at $225, which -- and here's the great part -- includes a cd of all your edited images. No additional purchase of a photo package is required. 

Happy Mother's Day, to you, to me, to all of us.

Older girls.

A cold spring day, both reading "Diary of a Wimpy Kid".

Jake was talking to Grace last night. He asked her what she wished she was better at and she said 'gymnastics' and that she wished she was skinnier. When Jake came and told me what she had said, I burst into tears. I mean, really? At 8 years old? One of my beautiful, healthy little birds is worried about her body? No, it couldn't be true. I must have heard wrong. 

I went into her dark bedroom, where she was reading in her bed and talked to her in length. Mostly I just listened. About how she wanted to run faster and be more flexible. The girls at school had been talking about being skinny. It was mostly very innocent and had little to do with a specific body image. I was partly relieved that it was more simple than what I thought. But still, there was the shadow of what's to come. Countless years of self-esteem coming and going and coming and going. 

Girls and women have a hard time in our society. Hopefully I can help them fight this battle. 

Have you kissed your baby's neck today? How about your husband's?

Sunday Photos and Terrorism.

Things are going well here...

Until Tada pulls Lillie's hair between frames. 

"No NO, TA-DA!" Tada: "wha?"

Daddy's doing something slapstick-y. Standup comedian is what he is...

A great weekend. Really relaxed and very little on the agenda. I think our biggest outing was to Winco as a family of 6 (doesn't happen much!) and Jake took the older three girls to see Rio.

Just before I wrote this post, our President gave a speech about the death and possession of Osama Bin Laden. It brought back all these feelings about 9/11. I can't believe it's been ten years since that shocking, horrible day. I loved how he talked about separating the horrible crimes he committed from the Muslim religion. How he killed Muslims and Americans alike. He said people in the world will come together and celebrate this in the name of peace and love for humanity. I hope the world can feel even safer now.

Today.

The snow melted from yesterday's storm and another one's coming tomorrow night.

Ruby's swing? Seriously? Or a hammock or whatever it is...

And Matilda's eyes locked on me wherever I go.

Grace sucks her thumb.

And Lillie exercises her independence and self-reliance every second of every minute.

Every day I die at the cuteness.

I pulled into my friend's driveway today to drop her kids off. She stuck her head through the window of my van and looked at my four girls' faces. She said, "Do you KNOW what you have in your car? Do you even KNOW what you possess??"

I have to say I do know. Four delicate flowers, forces for good and motivators of change. Each of them with their own locket of talents and needs. I feel rich and full and happy to be their mom.

Peacock hair, pouty lips.

Lollie,

I love you.

--Mama.

Sunday Photos and Easter.

The truly awful attempt at a front-yard easter photo seconds before we had to jump in the car. Ya... better luck to me next year. 

Gideon and Katie blessed their beautiful baby Finneas today. Here is a photo of all the grandchildren together.

And here's all of us. My two sisters and two brothers and their spouses (missing Aaron!).

Below, Gideon, Katie and Finn. 

Every year I think of how sick I am that every holiday tradition includes candy. Baskets and stockings and buckets of candy. This year I had a fleeting thought of having a children's book hunt. Everyone grab your basket! See how many different titles you can find! Let's talk plot and characters! I decided it wasn't worth the effort. Wouldn't want it to be a yawn-fest because of me.

On your mark, get set, go!

Lillie, mad about something. 

My brother took the last three of Lillie. He calls them "paparazzi shots". She's declining publicity at this point. She's sick of it and wants her life back...

Overall, a great weekend. We relaxed, enjoyed family and heard enough screaming and crying in our house to make you think militia was attacking our village!