Chasm.

My doobies.

Moments before she was clocked in the head with a Nativity character by Lillie the destroyer.

Ruby is an unknown chasm. Her eyes go as deep as a few planets' worth of distance. Perhaps even a few galaxies. She holds many many secrets and every day is a step toward her growing up and becoming "real". I dread that change in her.

But for now, what a perfectly innocent little bird.

Six Months

She was born to me six months ago. I am so grateful for her, I could kiss the sky.

Sunday Photo

Get ready Lillie, that binky's gone for real this week! Ope--- is that my backbone? Over there in the corner leaning up against the wall? Was looking for it...

The voices in my head say this week will be just like the rest. With ups and downs and mental institutions. Bedtime routine being what it currently is, there will be some violence. Not against children, but against toys that are innocently resting in my path when my patience goes to bed for the night. Sorry, toys, you might get kicked... Mama's tired.

There is so much going on in the world. Even in my tiny little circle of acquaintance there is divorce, death, loss, heartbreak, disappointment, loneliness and despair. I soak up what could be, and for now, count myself lucky that somehow things are going really well for us. We have enough. We're lively. And I hope it stays that way.

Not convinced we party? Look at Matilda's face.

Links

I came across some great links today that I hadn't seen before for ways you can help with what is happening around the world. Thought I'd pass them on...

Camfed sponsors girls for education in Africa. It pays fees, helps them manage menstruation and other challenges, and encourages them to “give back” once they have completed their education.

Afghan Institute of Learning supports girls’ education in Afghanistan and border areas of Pakistan. It is run by an Afghan woman, Sakena Yacoobi, who manages to run schools that the Taliban doesn’t burn down.

Tostan has been extraordinarily successful in overcoming female genital cutting in West Africa, and in training women and men alike and creating opportunities for them. It is based in Senegal.

Vital Voices is a Washington-based organization that supports women change-makers around the world, and is particularly staunch against trafficking.

The Fistula Foundation focuses on maternal health and surgery to repair obstetric fistulas, which are horrendous childbirth injuries that leave women incontinent.

BRAC is a Bangladeshi-based organization that focuses on education and empowerment of the very poor. It is one of the most admired development organizations from within the global south, and it is now expanding to Africa and other areas.

Pro Mujer focuses on helping women with reproductive health and small businesses in Latin America.

The Women’s Refugee Commission is an offshoot of the International Rescue Committee that focuses on women refugees, who are among the most vulnerable people on earth.

New Light India runs a shelter for trafficked women in a Calcutta red light district.

International Women’s Health Coalition is a New York-based group that works for women’s health worldwide.

Deworm the World promotes deworming programs. Worms seem to affect girls in particular by leading to anemia, and girls are already at risk of anemia from menstruation.

Global Fund for Women makes grants to innovative women’s programs in developing countries around the world.

Beyond the 11th was founded by two American widows of 9/11, and supports economic empowerment efforts for Afghan women.

Sustainable Health Enterprises, also known as SHE, is committed to lowering the high cost of sanitary pads in many African countries through advocacy work and by producing–and training women to distribute–lower cost products made from local materials.

The BlinkNow Foundation, created by 23 year-old Maggie Doyne, was created to help children receive shelter and education in war-torn countries dealing with extreme poverty. This is what Ms. Doyne accomplished in a remote corner of Nepal, and she hopes to replicate her model in other parts of the world.

Run for Congo Women, organizes runs and walks all over the word–even in Congo–to raise awareness and funds for Women for Women International’s Congo program, which supports female survivors of the ongoing war there.

http://www.globalgiving.org/

http://www.planusa.org/

Here's the main article I read: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/24/magazine/24volunteerism-t.html

Do you ever wonder what your life would be like...

... if Matilda was your baby?

Let me tell you.

She wrestles like a 12 month old.

She's got bread dough for legs.

She's laid back like the Jamaicans.

She lets me get her eye boogers.

She makes me popular in any group setting.

She turns a gray sky blue, commands the white doves to flee their cages and fly right over your house while you sit on the veranda with a cool lemonade.

Today.

Do you ever find yourself in a predicament? And ask yourself, how did I get here?

Today I found myself in Les Schwab Tire repair waiting area with several other men wearing Carthart jackets. Ruby was laying under the coffee table with one shoe on and one shoe off and her head resting on her sweater. Lillie was laying down on the ground by my feet, she was barefoot, with Matilda's blanket around her. Chewing a piece of popcorn she had thrown on the ground a few minutes earlier.

I just held Matilda and watched NFL Primetime.

I gave up and let it all happen.

Fleshy and Beautiful.

........................

I struggle with words to express the amount of emotion I feel when I look through these photos.

It's us, all of us. Together, and documented.

Does anyone else struggle with the decision to get your photos done because, say, you're still 20 pounds over your normal weight? Well, just get them done. You just have to suck it up (and suck it in) and own it, because after all, this is your family.

Once you get over your appearance you will adore adore adore the photos!!!!

Truly love!

Thanks to my brother Jared and wife Lynn who drove around with us to find a spot and worked hard to do this for us.

Lillie won out and got her binkie back temporarily... and if you look closely, you can see Matilda's two (new) bottom teeth!

I looooooooooooove my family. And know how INCREDIBLY lucky I am. All those cheeky little things, they all belong to me.

Thighs.

Here is Tads and me after a walk. She fell asleep on my hood and slept most of the way. I love her. Our flesh is the same, there is no line where I end and she begins. We just are.

My friend is adopting a baby. After waiting years, she and her husband are getting a newborn in March. A little boy from Georgia. She is elated. Her husband even more! How incredible it is to have a baby!

Sometimes I want so much for myself, I want to be so many things, I have so many dreams that I'd love to fulfill. But at the end of the day, when I'm kissing that mouth with those blue eyes piercing straight to the soul that is no longer just mine, I can't imagine me without them.

Hands off those chunky polka-dot thighs. They're all mine.

Fiery and Gorgeous.

fiery |ˈfī(ə)rē|adjective ( fierier , fieriest )consisting of fire or burning strongly and brightly : the sun was a fiery ball low on the hills | [as submodifier ] figurative a fiery hot chili sauce.
• having the bright color of fire : the car was painted a fiery red.
• (of a person) having a passionate, quick-tempered nature : a fiery, imaginative Aries.
• (of behavior or words) passionately angry and deeply felt : a fiery speech.

Bebe.