Why?

Because Halloween is coming.
Because my mom let me wear blush just for this special occasion.
Because you can just feel the honky tonk rising like steam.
Because the jacket is a men's large.
Because the car in the background was the same car I drove 8 years later when I got my license.

We Had a Lovely Time.

I definitely got my work out. I lost the battle of "who would take Grace to Skate Night" (read: who wants to be repeatedly kicked in the shins with very heavy skates?). That girl looks little, but my back feels like it got punched and smashed with a baseball bat while straining all of my muscles too far to the right. It would be better if she actually tried to learn how to roller skate while they blasted ABBA songs and flared disco lights. But she was constantly searching for friends, any friends, with whom she might shoot a glance, "Your mom brought you to skate night too? Man, kindergarten is such a drag." And another pleasantry that I became painfully aware of: it's popular to fall down.

I reminded her to 'focus' and 'be steady' but that really didn't help since her feet are the size of life rafts. (Gracie, you get them from me and I sincerely apologize). So while I instructed her on how to steer her roller skates out of death's tight grip, her eyes darted up and away from me, into the dark, searching for her precious classmates that said they would come. All I saw were weary and confused parents, their brittle expressions ready to crumble if heaven forbid, their child fell down ONE MORE TIME. I felt the same way.

All I want to know is how she held it together falling on that little tail bone a thousand times? Because minutes before we left for the skating rink she was on the ground screaming for the world to end because of a tiny scrape on her knee. It's all about the audience.

Nothing But Pure Squish.

It's 10p.m.

Instead of:

Doing laundry

Washing dishes

Going to sleep early

I:

Breathe in my baby.

Survey her perfect body.

Give her all of the attention that I can possibly give.

Yes, 10p.m. in our house means Jake and I chat on and on about how perfect she is for our family, how lucky we are and how much we needed her. After she's bathed, lotioned, dressed in warm cotton, wrapped in a flannel blanket and rocked to sleep, I manage to eek out a few piles of clean clothes to be put away in the morning. Before she wakes up.

Spyin' On Her.

I went to Gracie's school for 'Garden Day'. I was supposed to help the kids plant flowers in their little square but instead I did what any other mother would do: I followed Gracie around school and took like a thousand photos. I mean my kindergartner, in her element?? Does it get any better than this?
Her friend earned a no uniform day... usually they're all dressed like Grace. Most beautiful face ever.

There are some things that are fantastic. Like the new Audi A4, cobb salad from Cheesecake Factory, grand pianos, a full body massage and a long night's rest. But better, by far, than any of those things is watching Grace skip away from my arms to dance by herself in the middle of the playground. My head almost exploded.

After School Activities

Identifying food items in newspapers.
And crying...
And watching a movie.
And being together.

On the First Day of October

Jacob,

If you can't find your guitar picks... your daughter took them and is talking to them like they are real people. And I don't have the heart to take them away. We love you.

A First.

It's official, so dang official. This is the book. The first one she can read from cover to cover.
The human mind. My human's mind, is astounding.
Busy writing and teaching.

A beauty to behold.

A Grand Opportunity.

We have the grand opportunity to live by our family again. Most of our marriage we have not, so we relish in this time with them. This is a small glimpse into what our family gathering looks like. The meal is usually roast, mashed potatoes (Donna's are absolutely the best in the world), vegetables, and salad with european style dressing (oil, balsamic vinegar, salt and pepper). Laughter and conversation echo off the high ceiling and wood floor and there are literally babies everywhere, babbling and showing off their newly acquired walking skills. After we eat, the men watch the Discovery Channel and the women find a quiet place to talk about pregnancy, childbirth and other fascinating subjects.

On Saturday evening we all had the opportunity to attend the Relief Society Broadcast together as sisters in the church. I took a very important lesson home with me, a quote from Elder Uchtdorf's talk, "Happiness is your Heritage". This is a goal I can hold myself to this coming year. Just be happy with my daughters. I should give them the legacy of being happy and content with life. It was put simply and clearly at the conference that we need to be soft on ourselves and allow for more apprecation of our own talents instead of comparing ourselves to others. Can I get an A-MEN?

Exhausted, Happy.

I refused to let today pass by as just another regular day. I am tired of normal days. So me and the girls hosted a birthday party. A party for their two favorite stuffed animals. First birthday girl, Grace's kitty, a female originally named "Louie" who changed her name to "Kelsey" right before the party. I agree, it's much more feminine. Ruby picked Pluto, no Mickey, no Pluto, okay Mickey it is. Swaddled them like babies and we had ourselves some MAKE BELIEVE, darn it!! Add some sugar....
... and I caught Ruby drinking these sprinkles like rain. Bottle half gone in 2.5 seconds.
Singing Happy Birthday to "Louie-Kelsey" and Mick.
Soon after the party, we tried Lill out in her new Bumbo chair. A success. Won't someone donate some hair for that forehead of hers? It's going to take her awhile to grow some of her own...
Worried Lill? Ya, me too.This 5-yr-old knows just how to nuzzle a baby.

Her mouth tastes more delicious than you can imagine...
And yet another day has passed. Maybe it's this Jeremy Larson that I'm listening to, but I feel so much. I feel an ocean for these beauties.

Monster Grace

Devil, please stop possessing my child between the hours of 3-7pm every day. I do not know how to excuse this behavior other than, "she's tired", or "she's just cranky from school" or "Monster Grace is here with us again", what else could it possibly be? She's regretting her decision to be part of our family? All the other moms let their children eat junk food and watch T.V. all afternoon and she feels left out? I am staying away from excuses like, "it's her personality", or "she'll probably always be like this". I will continue being patient with her if she can please spare me even the slightest possibility that I'll suffer any more emotional abuse. Because I just can't take it.
When she's sweet, she's so sweet. Telling me all about her friends and the table where she sits and how music and art are going. She tells me her teacher thinks she's awe-some and how I should put oil in her hair like Molly does and that she wants me to meet her for lunch. It reminds me of times past when we would be together all the time and I would be able to predict her mood swings coupled with the rhythm of the day and I was definitely more in control. Now, I feel like I just duck and cover.
How can a child (who can read and write words and sentences, counts in fives and tens, does math and homework) have absolutely no ability to put a cap on her emotions? It baffles me. Good thing I love her squeezable self so much that I don't pick up and leave the house in the middle of her cyclone of screaming. It's all I can do, just to sit quietly and not grab the duct tape, know what I'm sayin?