Lillie,
I was reading about craters the other day, formed by the hypervelocity impact of a smaller body with the surface of a larger one. Get it? You're the small one, making an impact? I could keep going for paragraphs using stupid analogies to describe you and the fireball that you are.
But I won't.
Because you're more special than that. We've been through a lot together and our relationship is deeper than a lot of others because of our journey. There have been nights where I sit against the kitchen cupboards and cry. Really tough nights. Other times where we get in rhythm and you respond well and the world turns at the right speed, and I look at you with joy and confidence and intense appreciation.
Baby doll. There is no one else like you. Your laughter that jumps like a bean on a trampoline. Your unruly curly hair and light freckles across your mini nose. Your anger, your joy. Every emotion is so intense. Your brain receiving information and spitting it back out at a speed I have never experienced before.
You started kindergarten this year and didn't even look back. This is what you were made for, to get in the middle of a peer group and shine. You love so easily and have several "wuzzerboys" (loverboys) at school that you have a crush on. You are drop dead gorgeous and me and dad constantly stare at you in disbelief.
The other night you told me that you just love to kiss me, that's all. You also told me with a gasp that I looked SO PRETTY in the dress I was wearing. You told me that you feel bad that I work so hard. You're my greatest ally, you little five year old thing, and I feel undeserving.
You constantly blow my brain to white, then manually infuse the color back into the scene "your way".
Your singing is SO good. You can reach a high note and land on it perfectly and dance there, and me and the older girls gawk at your ability. In gymnastics, you are the most determined girl on the floor. No one else is more serious and more focused. Your coach did an exercise where you had to keep your body laying straight while she lifted your feet off the floor. You were the only one that could do this and I was not surprised!
You are the only one in the family that cleans up their room without me asking. Determination is just another strength you keep in your back pocket like it's no big deal. I see you be hard on yourself and I hate that. You are your own worst enemy and I don't want you to be victim to your own set of expectations.
I am so incredibly proud of you. My chest just puffs out and I get teary thinking that I gave birth to such a strong little girl and how every day, you teach me how to be better.
Because if such a strong human being came from me, then I can be stronger too. Thank you for opening my eyes so wide, little one.
Happy Birthday.
xo
Mama
