MyMatilda -- Baby Milo and Ellis Family.

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Today's Bedhead.

Slowing Down.

I just want to slow it down. Open the shutter. Open my eyes and really see. My girls, their hearts beating to the rhythm of a hummingbird's wings. Can I hear it? Do I listen?

Below is a photo I took in Florida of Jake's sister and her baby. I was JUST HER. Young, freckly, with one little baby Grace. There goes my throat, swelling up again...

Hanging onto summer...

Eating bits of watermelon off a backyard chair.

First day of first grade.

Ruby,

Yesterday was your first day of first grade. I texted daddy, "Dropped Ruby off on her first day. That girl has magical powers over me". It is true, Ruby, you are a magical girl.

I sent you to school with blisters on your hands from the monkey bars at the park, scrapes on your knees, a bandaid on your toe and a mild black eye. You are a monkey baby. Won't you stop swinging from trees and ropes and couches?

After school you said, "Grace sat behind me at lunch. Not to the right, not to the left, DIRECTLY behind me. And also I made two new friends. Hannah and Olivia. Olivia just asked if I wanted to be friends and I just said yes and that was it. And we got two recesses! And I had to go to the bathroom during recess and when I came back out my class already went in the building so I went up to the first grade door and banged on it and then my teacher saw me and let me in and asked if there was anyone else out there with me and I said no. And I ate some of my lunch, I'll tell you what I ate..."

Ruby I miss the days when you drew me a paper that said "I never want to go to school again because I will cry and I will say, Mommy come back!"

I miss you, Ruby, there is no one that can fill my arms and throw their little limbs around me like you can. You linger there, your face against mine, your fingers lightly touching my hair and usually we both make an audible, "mmm".

There is no paradigm I know of or have ever experienced that can summate or contain my love for you. And that is that. See you soon.

This morning...

Grace,

I left you at school today after a long and relaxing summer. On the way there you stared out your window, quiet. Your face, chin, neck, all straining to find someone you knew as we approached your school. You did, and you walked in with Riley. As I left the parking lot, driving away from you all day, my heart dropped. I felt it. Like a real sensation. A literal pressure of gravity, trepidation, anxiousness. I took a breath and that tightness in my throat, it was there. It didn't well into tears like the day you started kindergarten, but it came back like a habit. Subtle.

There's something so unnatural about giving you away to someone else for hours. I could see it as a bird's eye view in my mind, so many other parents doing exactly the same thing as I was today, last week, next week... giving their babies away for another year. Everyone hopeful, nervous, happy for the opportunity for education, and scared to death.

I used to view kids differently. I used to see them as special. But now I see them as so much more. Now they are someone else's child. Someone else's world. I can only hope that people see you that way and treat you the same. 

One day you'll think third graders are so young, such children. But for today, all you see on your horizon is a future of promise. The world is your jewelry box and you only have to pick and choose what you'll have each day. Choose well.

I love you, my girl.

Sunday Photos.

The drive down to Orem:

The Utah Medleys, minus Miriam and Aaron:

We drove down to Orem to see some of my family today. My mom's still in town staying with Hannah and helping out with the twins.

Grace starts 3rd grade tomorrow and I'm having a heart attack thinking about it. I've filled out paperwork, her backpack and lunch are sitting on my counter... and I'm in total denial. I mean, it needs to happen, the girls need to go back and learn the things I really don't have the motivation to teach them :) But really, it is sad to realize our summer is ending. Ruby goes into 1st grade on Tuesday. Double Ugh.

Let's face it. The early mornings are what's going to kill me...

We love Sara B.

Our best funny one.

And the award for best fake smile goes to...

Gracie and I went to the Sara Bareilles/Sugarland concert. It was fantastic, of course, and we knew all the words to Sara's songs. Sara and I sang together in high school and I'm lucky to still call her a friend. We got to chat with her for a bit and Grace loved being around a "real rock star".

I loved glancing over at my little daughter enjoying the music on this starry summer night. School starts next week and it was lovely to take Grace to her first real concert as autumn looms on the horizon.

Twin Lovefest

I love the mountains and valleys of their little faces.

My favorite!

Holding hands.

A pile of babies.

Lynn knitted hats for them and all I got was this one photo! I'm sorry Lynn!

I did a little dance after I caught these back wrinkles.

Me and McKay.

He has a question...

Also one of my favorites, shot with 50mm F/1.4.

I still can't believe these boys are a permanent part of our family. What an extra helping of dessert it was to go up and photograph them. YUMMMMMM.

My Matilda -- A Third Boy...

You know you want to kiss that neck!!!

More of this newborn here.

Sunday Photos and Anniversary.

Tonight there is rain ringing my doorbell. It comes toward our house in sheets. Reminding me that some nights, buckets of water just come out of the sky, and there's nothing we can do.

Our life has been like that for us, a storm and a blue sky and a cloud and some wind and a nasty cold front and then the most beautiful day you've ever seen and swear you'll ever see.

Jake and I went away for our anniversary. During which I didn't take one photo. We were completely ourselves and it was fantastic to have uninterrupted thoughts, conversations and laughter.

We've been married for ten years.

Starting out, we were pretty in love. We never spent one day apart. We got married and both worked at the same place, with the same hours, and our classes at the U were at the same time so we could walk to class together. I was expecting Grace before our first anniversary and the rest just seems like it went by SO fast.

We've come into a new realm of marriage. So much more is unspoken. We see each other more clearly. The extra has sloughed off and our souls are exposed. My core is in love with his and nothing else really matters.

Sure there are some tough times and there will be more. But on this heavy, rainy night, I am him and he is me and we are in this together, and I'm lucky.

Last month in Clearwater Beach, FL.