Lillie's Day.

Lillie,

Today, all of you turned three. Legs, arms, wild hair, brilliant smile. There are always things you intend to do. There are constantly things you need and want. Today was no exception. We spent our time with you today going around St. Augustine, FL. We rode a trolley around the oldest city in America in sweaty weather. I sat behind you and stared at your wavy head of hair, grown so long now, and your tiny shoulders, puckered up in anticipation. Your face was set in a seriousness that showed even in the small fraction that lunged beyond your tousled hair.

Every bit of you strained to experience today. In the way you drove everyone to listen and deliver and follow. As you usually do. You cried about riding a small carousel you'd seen earlier, so we took you late in the afternoon. I will remember that forever. It was just you and I. The ocean breeze blowing our hair and you with that face and me just your loving mom. You wiggled from one horse to the next, constantly changing your mind. Your smile stretched as big as your arm. One dollar. And a dirty little carousel. And it was bliss, washing over us like a fountain of velvet.

You would leave your skin if you could. Burst out, just like that. You'd turn and wave to me from your new place, free of the age and limitations that slow your burning fire of a soul. I can see you there, not sure when, but I can see you sometime in the future. When every small piece of you comes together in the most beautiful harmony. When you will smile with confidence and calm at those that questioned or feared your outcome.

I love you Lillie. I can see a billion things in you but most of all, determination. Just go and do whatever it is that makes your heart sing. I'll be screaming on your sidelines!

Love,
Mama

Leaving on a Jetplane... with lots of children and Nabisco products.

Ruby puffing a dandelion today.

We are leaving tomorrow for a couple of weeks in Florida with my husband's fantastic parents and family and my girls' cousins. We are excited out of our minds. A week at a beach house, kids everywhere, music, playing, sun, great food, laughter, laughter, kids, laughter, movies, laughter. The alligator farm, meeting up with friends, seeing cousins every single day, swimming in Nana's pool, sitting on Nana's lap (if you're small enough!).

A photo from two years ago below. It is everything Florida is. Naked babies, warmth, water, colors, and lots of turquoise!

Click here for some MyMatilda newborn photos...

Grace and Twins.

Grace. With her beautiful skin and hair and self.

Below: Me, Hannah and Miriam. All moms now. My sisters are awesome. Hannah is having twin boys! She's due in August and if all goes well, I will photograph their birth. Hang in there Hannah. And we can make hearts on your stomach anytime you need a laugh!

Sisters sleeping and snuggling. Also, Ruby and I on my 32nd birthday. There's nowhere else I'd rather be than Ruby's neck.

Happy Father.

Caught you just after working on your motorcycle. It goes without saying. You're simply the best.

And to my dad: ditto, and I miss ya.

Done with Kindy.

Isn't the above photo hilarious? Kids are going every which way, you can almost see them moving like they probably do nonstop. Poor teacher... I don't envy her job! 

Ruby finished kindergarten. I think I was in denial the whole year that she was even in school. She would come home and in my eyes, she's still a calm, artsy little 3 year old practicing her letters. Seriously? First grade? Whatever, it's probably not happening. Heard time's going to stop soon, so I'm just waiting...

Summertime.

Worry, apprehension

Set aside for months

While things grow

The ends of their hair

Curl around my neck

Pull me to them

A flurry of pervasive emotion

Albeit 

With gentility

I gaze and can't stop

Or comprehend

What's to come

I can only see now.

Bless-ed today.

Sunday Photos.

I look at these photos and again, am astounded by my four things. This weekend billions of people swirled around the planet like ants, needing, doing, living, dying. Us and our littles ones were here. On our little patch of rented grass, living. We planted a garden, sang some rounds, ate watermelon, used bandaids, ate chocolate cookies, moved some furniture around, cleaned the carpets and spent time with Nana and Papa as they visited this weekend.

I feel lucky to be born in this country to my family. It's a rich life with abundance at my fingertips and four little girls dripping in chocolate crumbs. I'm lucky and grateful.

Mmm.

Starting the summer with chocolate cake is a good idea. As the frosting mixed with dense chocolate cakey goodness slides down my throat, I can't help but be hopeful: that having my girls home all day every day will be as good as it seems. That there will be peace and progress and accomplishments.

:::Fingers crossed:::

More of Jake's excellent video-making skills...

Sprinkler Movie June 3rd, 2011 from Jake Smylie on Vimeo.

Dee-LISH.

Mt. Everest's got nothing on Tada. Neither does Raspberry Cheesecake.

Sunday Photos.

This weekend was:

7-11
Cleaning
Errands
Cooking
Playing
Not sleeping
Sandwiches
Chocolate
Building backyard swings
Tada kissing and rocking baby dolls
Digging backyard mudholes
Forcing mud down the shower drain
Running from bees
Turning on the AC

Some days are up down and all around, I am busy and don't think clearly. But sometimes I stop. And look out the kitchen window. My two oldest girls are swinging in the sun, in opposite directions. Different weights, different sizes. They find their own rhythm. One looks ahead and the other looks straight up to the sky.

Their legs move differently and they have a distinct, unique sense of their own momentum. One lets her hair cover her face and the other is constantly pushing it back behind her ears.

I want their individuality to sing, to reach a fever pitch. I want who they truly are to bubble up inside, to boil, to burst, filling the air with droplets of emotion and dreams.

Always to be kind, always to care for each other and for the rest of the world, and always and above all, to their own selves be true.

A Little Trim.

It's June and I'm wearing a sweater and socks. If the weather won't change, then I will!

Choppin.

Thanks Jake for taking these. Even though when I look at these photos my mind runs a long list of, "I don't like this about me and I don't like that about me", I think there's something beautiful about little old me with my hair all undone, in the kitchen preparing food. And Jake captured what I look like when I'm concentrating on something and laughing at his joke at the same time. That's definitely something I do about 100 times a day.

Ah, look. It's adult me. I always used to wonder what she'd be like.