I had gone to bed at 12:30 a.m. last night. At 4:30 a.m. my brainfog finally allowed me to spring half an eyelid open. I heard my baby crying from her crib in the next room. My body was like lead, seriously, and the bad attitude came FLOODING toward me. Couldn't escape it. She's 21 months old, do the math, that's almost TWO. And she keeps waking up. Why? WHY? So I turned my feet toward the floor, let my down comforter fall from my shoulder and shivered. So I had to get these legs to lift my body up to walk. There, I did it.. I am running on momentum only. If I stopped walking I would probably just fall back in bed.
Why do kids wake up? Why can't I get ONE full night's sleep without someone wetting the bed, needing a drink, needing to go potty, coming into our bed.. just one night and I would be good for another year! By this time I am opening my bedroom door. I struggle into the dark hallway and my eyes are literally glued shut with sleep. It's the best I can do, so I will just have to remember the distance to open the girl's bedroom door. My hand pushed it open and the crying was razoring my ears. It was so dark and so cold and I was SO TIRED.
In the moment before I bent down to pick up Ruby I thought about those long sleepful nights when I was pregnant with Grace. No school, just full time work and that feeling that one gets when waking up at noon. AHHH. Then the peaceful breakfast that follows. A little email, a little news, orange juice, cereal, toast, donut, whatever happened to be there.. and we used to have to much food because we were married and both working and man were we rich back then.
My mind starts to focus back to the problem at hand. I think maybe I can just back out of the room and she will stop crying, go back to sleep, and I can snuggle back in my covers. No such luck. I reach down to pick her up, glancing over my shoulder at Grace to make sure Ruby's cries aren't waking her....... What? Ruby is burning up! She has a fever, my baby girl has a fever!!! Poor thing! I better rub my eyes so I can wake up and fix her a cup of juice!! Let's get her out of her hot jammies and a cold cloth for her forehead! Let me just run to the bathroom to get the Tylenol! She might need me to stay up all night which would be completely fine! And that's how it is being a mother.