Monday, May 16, 2011
Cupcakes and Feelings.
It's been one year. Four seasons. 365 days since I held your newborn body in my arms. Your birth taught me a billion things. Most importantly, I am not timid, I am not paralyzed by fear, I am not a coward, I am not a quitter. I am a tower of strength when the time calls for it. It took me over 30 years to learn this and your birth was one of those moments where I turned the corner and finally saw myself as I really am. Strong and capable. And we did it together.
I think I began to wake up in many ways after that and I am changing a little more every day.
You are a gift. A present wrapped up in squish.
You climb and pull and scream and laugh and fall and smile and pinch and kiss and sleep and cry and play.
And you did all these things today. Our house was filled to capacity with your aunts and uncles and cousins. I caught a glimpse of you over by the toybox. You were sitting there, turning something over and over again in your hands. You looked up. Your eyes focused little to my right, then slid over and caught my gaze. You sat there and beamed. A little girl so in love with me. You dropped your toy and crawled to me.
I picked you up, parts of the future playing in my head like a quick flock of birds. You. Bigger, stronger, smarter, older, tougher.
It will happen. It always does.
In the meantime, know that right now, today, I have never loved you more. I have never known you so well. I have never been so grateful for you and I have never felt so lucky to be your mama.