Wednesday, February 02, 2011

This is called a "Mom Mauling".

It's what happens every time I lay on the floor... these two go into full body attack. They are only momentarily distracted before they once again zero in on the prize.

Man.. today was a DAY. Jake is out of town for work and the emotions in our house ran high... ran a marathon, in fact. Some days, I really think I wasn't cut out for this. Like maybe I was meant to be in International Relations, traveling around, seeing sights, listening to the hum of a jet engine or drinking a red bull in between business meetings in my pin-striped chick suit. Using a different part of my brain...

I prepared to be a mother all those years and now, in the thick of it, I question my ability for managing chaos. I'm a lover of peace. And there are moments of it. But twice as often, moments of chaos so intense my brain starts to disintegrate.

It's not half bad. And I think most people understand that. But I want to be honest. Especially to those with young children. Let's take a collective sigh, together: tomorrow is a new day and children are forgiving. And if I can just reach deep enough I know there are some wells of strength and patience I deserve to draw from.

This time is so short, when they're young. When they squawk and scream and squeal and need and bite and pinch and cry. I, among everyone else, hug my babies close with stinging eyes as I tuck them into bed. They are growing up. So fast. And all this struggle, all this hard-ness that I call my "stay at home mom" days will pass so quickly. Like my childhood. Like high school. Like college. Like my almost ten-year marriage. Flying by like a bat at twilight. Waning. Disappearing. A memory in its place.

I sit here wanting more than anything to deserve my babies. To look them in the eye and tell them I am doing everything in my power to be the mother they deserve. After all, I brought them here. I accepted the responsibility. It's time for endurance. For patience. For speaking kindly. For leaving my phone and computer. For grabbing them, one by one, and letting them know how utterly important they are to me.

{Starting tomorrow.}


Latisha said...

You have such a gift for putting feelings into words. And it does pass....or so I've heard. Those "young days" are turning into "teenager days" for me - just a new roller coaster to ride.

Stacie said...

I must agree. You have a profound way with words. Such talent!
I too have these days and it comforts me to know that I am not the only one. Thank goodness the little ones are forgiving. We do our best, even if some days we wonder if it is enough.

BTW, on another topic, I showed your My Matilda fb page to a friend yesterday and she just LOVED your style!

Clarke and Kamie said...

still reading your blog every now and then. This is exactly how my day was yesterday. Usually I love my job--yesterday I was thinking "WHAT am I doing here? I should be in some awesome career doing ADULT things". Then when the kids were in bed and the house was quiet (and I was sitting reading a book and eating caramel chocolate macadamia muts) I thought "I'm good at this. And I can do better tomorrow." THX for your thoughts.

sarah said...

"Sighing" right along with you.

Jennifer said...

You are an awesome Mom. You ARE patient and so creative. Every job has those days...I think. I had a day like that today, but they weren't my kids.

Matilda's teeth!! Ethan's 1st JUST came through.