It's what happens every time I lay on the floor... these two go into full body attack. They are only momentarily distracted before they once again zero in on the prize.
Man.. today was a DAY. Jake is out of town for work and the emotions in our house ran high... ran a marathon, in fact. Some days, I really think I wasn't cut out for this. Like maybe I was meant to be in International Relations, traveling around, seeing sights, listening to the hum of a jet engine or drinking a red bull in between business meetings in my pin-striped chick suit. Using a different part of my brain...
I prepared to be a mother all those years and now, in the thick of it, I question my ability for managing chaos. I'm a lover of peace. And there are moments of it. But twice as often, moments of chaos so intense my brain starts to disintegrate.
It's not half bad. And I think most people understand that. But I want to be honest. Especially to those with young children. Let's take a collective sigh, together: tomorrow is a new day and children are forgiving. And if I can just reach deep enough I know there are some wells of strength and patience I deserve to draw from.
This time is so short, when they're young. When they squawk and scream and squeal and need and bite and pinch and cry. I, among everyone else, hug my babies close with stinging eyes as I tuck them into bed. They are growing up. So fast. And all this struggle, all this hard-ness that I call my "stay at home mom" days will pass so quickly. Like my childhood. Like high school. Like college. Like my almost ten-year marriage. Flying by like a bat at twilight. Waning. Disappearing. A memory in its place.
I sit here wanting more than anything to deserve my babies. To look them in the eye and tell them I am doing everything in my power to be the mother they deserve. After all, I brought them here. I accepted the responsibility. It's time for endurance. For patience. For speaking kindly. For leaving my phone and computer. For grabbing them, one by one, and letting them know how utterly important they are to me.