Wednesday, September 08, 2010

All Smiles.




There is no accurate way to describe my feelings for her. They are constantly in battle with each other. The love and the frustration. The intensity and the intimacy and the screaming tantrums and the kisses and her yelling and her stubbornness. It's impossible to sum up and impossible to dissect. It's just....

Lillie.

She's my third two year old. The others were nothing like her. That's comparing spring rains to a midnight thunderstorm right over your head. She cries all day. She stomps her foot and screams and falls on the ground with, "no no no's". But not fairly often. All the time. Every five minutes. Nap or no nap, hungry or full, she's the same.

She fights around every turn. Every decision I make hinges on what her reaction will be, whether or not I can handle the screaming at that moment. And it's not ever the normal things like I don't give her a piece of candy so she screams. It's things like, if I sit on the couch she'll scream because she had something else planned for me to do. If I give her juice it's always in the wrong container. If the girls make a wrong move with the wrong toy it's over. For five minutes she screams and hollers and we are all very afraid. Sometimes I'll walk through the hall and she'll burst apart with screams and I'll look around, check myself over, searching for something, anything, that could illicit that type of reaction. I find nothing.

When she's not crying, she demands certain things of the household. There is a general rule in our house. Stay out of the kitchen. This rule is for Lillie's sake. If you walk in there, she's begging and pleading and wanting you to put her on the counter and comb the cupboards for food and treats and then she's laying on the floor in a tantrum because you won't let her hold the butter.

I'm not allowed to talk on the phone. That's a big one. Taking a shower is a huge deal and if I can run in there quickly and shampoo my hair before she's out there banging on the door crying, I consider it an accomplishment.

I know, I know. She'll grow out of it. At least that's what Jake said last night. I understand, she probably will. But what about the meantime? From when she turned one she began to be like this and has been ever since. So say she grows out of it in a year. Great. Great news. But that's a YEAR. What do I do until then? How do I survive? Build a bunker for myself in the backyard? Put Enya in my iPod and listen to it full blast and lock myself in my room? I'm to that point. I just love peace, I love quiet, I love tranquility. And not much resembles that.

Of course she's delicious and funny and interesting and loving. She talks better every day. When she wears her pink sweat pants, holy mama she looks gor------geous. I eat her neck away to nothing.

They say kids like her are "highly intelligent" and will "go places in life". It's hard to say if that's true or not, but I hope all of this muddling through will be worth it someday. My vengeful self lies in wait of when her first baby turns one and she calls me and goes, "uhhhhhhhhh..... having a little trouble over here!".

I will be all smiles.

16 comments:

Lynnie said...

Wanna switch 2 year olds for a little while? I'm pretty sure we'd switch back much happier for what we had. Mine is not mine. As in, I'm not good enough for ANYTHING. I can't change a diaper, give him a cup, get him out of the car seat, pick him up from his crib in the middle of the night. You get the picture. Only Dada can do anything for him. Too bad Dada has a real job that leaves Lias suffering with me.

Good luck - I feel your pain.

Lindsey said...

My Ruby is turning into this very creature. I call her Bi-Polar Baby. She can be so sweet and silly one minute and the next OUT OF CONTROL! Nap, no nap, food, no food-it doesn't matter. People say she's teething and I certainly hope this is the case on not just my wall-flower making a stand. It's exhausting...

ingrid said...

Sometimes I feel the weight of my own now 4 year old being exactly this way, I blame myself for being too tough or for giving in too easily. She is my first so I compare her to others and it makes me think I am the only mother that lays awake in fear because i don't know if she is going to wake up in a good mood or bad (chances are it's bad). I am nervous when we go play at someones house, always ready to pick up & leave if she hits another child or throws a big enough tanty. I love her with everything that i have but I so worry about what she will carry into teens/adulthood. Thanks for showing me again that I am not the only one. xxx

Anonymous said...

I read your blog often, and usually I feel like crap because you have four and I only have two and can barely take it most days. My first born is/was just like Lillie. And people would say things like all kids are like that, but mine was and IS different. At times I think she was meant to be an only child because she just can't take in what is going on around her. I was just thinking tonight about when she has her first kid, and what that will be like. Funny you wrote that. And mine loved that pacifier too!

Baby Coffee said...

oops, that was me

Joyful Noise said...

When Becky's youngest was about 1 1/2 she started going through a period like you describe. We took her off all wheat products and milk products. She is MUCH better now (3 1/2). I don't think she is really allergic to wheat and milk, but maybe "intolerant" right now. Anyway, it has REALLY helped a lot. You might try it for a week or two to see if you get any better behavior. I guess she was just in pain a lot of the time when she ate the wheat. It might be worth a try for your sanity...

Hannah said...

I looooove this post! "We are all very afraid" I mean you explained that beautifully. That girl!!!

Anonymous said...

Having been a parent of a child just as you describe and I don't want to fighten you but the teen years were harder because of the lessened parental control, meaning I could not pick the child up and make an executive dicision ....BUT....the family struggled through making the best with what we could ..... AND......today I have a wonderful daughter who is graceful and loving and thoughtful and who is a loving strong and patient mother. Don't dispare and don't give up just love and cry and pray lots and the saying that got me through is 'this too will pass' and it does. xoxoxo You have a wonderful family as I had (some of them are the same people) so you don't have to do it all on your own.

Megan said...

My Charlie is EXACTLY like this! He has been his whole life. He's 5 1/2 now and STILL has issues!!!!! I swear! Yesterday he ran away from home because Gwen's poopy diaper was too stinky. He couldn't deal with it anymore, couldn't live here.
My friend, I'm afraid it might not just be the terrible twos. Some little people are just wacky. Good luck. So glad I'm not alone.

LuCDay said...

Oh, I feel your pain. It's been a long road with Johnny, Kindergarten is helping. That's right, it might take more than a year. Then she might end up like Anna (who was a Lillie) and now she has a perfectly well behaved child. Where's the justice in that?

LuCDay said...

And that's why God gave you Matilda!

Lillie said...

I have a hard time reading through most people's blogs. I'm a bit of a picture-book-looker.

Not yours, Sarah. Not yours.

This was the funniest post I've read in ages. THanks for letting us laugh at your expense. But I'm SO sorry for this fabulous stage you're in. I cannot believe you have a new baby on top of it all. This is why you wear a cape and a tight shirt with a big S on it in my mind.

Jessiesmylieyahoo,com said...

funnnnnny

Leanne said...

Awww Sarah I'll take that girl in an instant!! She is too funny- so independent and not afraid to reinforce that to you! But also SO sweet, cuddly, etc. etc. Love her to pieces!

Leanne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
k hansen said...

Yeah, it seems this is an epidemic. I was in a conversation recently with a group of women about this very thing. It seems we all have a child that fits this description. I have read books and books about these special "spirited" children, since I have one... and guess what, she's my third too! I don't know if it has anything to do with what # you are in the family or what, but it's hard, esp when there are older AND younger kids in the family. If she were my 1st I would have only one. But we have five and she's in the middle. I love her to pieces, and feel the same way about her as you do your Lillie. BUT... she is a challenge. I pray everyday for her safety... from me! JK, but you know.

Hang in there. And no, it doesn't get any better. (At least in my experience, sorry to be so frank.) Mine is almost 5 and she's still very much like she was at one. She can just negotiate, debate and scream louder! But she's mine forever, and well, it's a blessing.

Good Luck Sarah!