Tuesday, December 29, 2009

My Grace Today.

Why is my list so long? Things I worry might happen to her, to them. It goes on and on with multiple possibilities. Say she dodges them all, the mean fifth grade friends, the teenage angst, all the hard stuff. She graduates from high school pretty unscathed, and with a few close friends and decent grades, gets into college. Let's say she gets that far and is fairly unharmed.

Then what?

Things seem to just get more complex. What if she marries wrong and is unhappy? What if she has a family and loses a child? It's horrible to think about. But I do. And then for instance, all our prayers are answered and she handles her life well, deals with small problems, gets the main things she's always hoped for, and her sisters do the same, will I then be able to breathe?

Will I ever stop picturing her as a warmish red infant in my arms, me so afraid to be her mother, so afraid to let my heart love a little human so strongly?

Saturday, December 26, 2009


We look tired because... we are.... always!

A Smylie Christmas is one of the most momentous events of the year. Christmas Eve included a "re-enactment of the Nativity". All parts played by the grandchildren, ages six and under (mostly under). Before and after, we ate.

Christmas day, Santa Claus (or possibly an uncle) came to visit our throng. Lillie was not impressed. She let us know immediately. The rest of the day was beautiful, as we tried to sum up another year's worth of love and admiration in the giving of gifts to each other. We can never do enough for Nana and Papa Smylie, they always blow us away. After the gift giving, we ate an italian Christmas dinner that didn't stop until well into the night.

I love Jake's family so much! We were sad to wake up this morning and realize it was all over until next year. So we went to the mall. BAD DECISION.

Hope everyone had a great one.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Sunday Photo.

We've eaten lots of candy canes and talked constantly about "santy claus". My shopping is not done and the malls are packed. It's warm enough for the girls to walk around barefoot despite having perfectly shiny black shoes inside the house. Looking forward to lots of food, family and chaos this week.


Friday, December 11, 2009

What a whirlwind this month is turning out to be. So next week is next week, then it's Christmas!

I kept Gracie home from school today. She felt "warm" last night and then this morning had a stuffy nose. It's getting to the point where I sense a head cold coming across the state of Alabama, throw down my mallet, and demand that Grace stays home. And then she smiles, because she loves staying home. She and Ruby are eating cookies and watching Ice Age while their little sister sleeps. My fourth-to-be is finger painting in my tummy... or something that feels similar.

This weekend we have a few Christmas gatherings, some music stuff, I'm doing a few photos, and we're barreling toward next week at breakneck speed.

(and my computer's still broken, #^%$#^$%!)

Monday, December 07, 2009

Sunday Photo

The three most valuable things to me. Cannot be recreated, or compared, or averaged. They are three completely different types of bombs. And the reasons Jake and I carry on.

Ruby has on her radiant, squishy smile that she always does lately, wearing a hand me down shirt from Grace, shorts that are much too small, and french braids from yesterday. We do care, Ruby, we do. Lills is wearing all hand me downs as well. The stripey pants are newborn size I believe, but I cannot bring myself to stash them away. They just look so 'jailbird highwaters'. The butterfly top is a dress Ruby used to wear as a baby and called, "fuffaheyes". The bottle, stolen from our baby cousin Vann weeks ago. Grace is the leader of the flock, the calmer and the rioter. Just look at that face and that hair. Unbelievable, all of them.

I hope everyone had a good weekend, filled with candy canes and short, crooked Christmas trees.

Friday, December 04, 2009

I have a spot open for family pictures Sunday December 13th. Let me know if you'd like to snatch it!! My latest session with the Berry Family: www.smyliephoto.blogspot.com

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Nod from Heaven

(Smylie Thanksgiving Spread, 2009)

Bad news is, my computer is still broken. So I can't blog from my own house. That presents a problem. Especially for someone who likes to write several times a week (me). I don't want to send it in for repair until January, so until then... I have lost some of my voice.

But something special happened to me on the night of Thanksgiving. I sat on the couch with my legs curled under me and ate a popsicle. Suddenly, like a tiny breeze, I felt something tap on the inside of my tummy, slightly to the left, right where my pants hugged my belly. And there it was again, unmistakable. As quick as a glance, as fleeting as a nod from heaven. It was hard not to hold my breath.

I smiled so big then because I knew it would only continue, stronger and stronger. I have months of these movements yet to come. Tiny reminders that the finest people like Grace, Ruby and Lillie can come of just a tiny piece of human fruit inside my tummy.

Truly amazing.