Wednesday, October 21, 2009

It's nights like tonight, when Lillie climbs up onto the kitchen chair next to me and throws dirty socks into my bowl of spaghetti. It's nights like this I sigh a lot. I sigh when I see the huge mountain of laundry piled on my bed (at least it's clean). Or when I survey the need for dinner, baths, homework, chores, phone calls, cleaning, kids' individual time, clipping their fingernails, and realize with a big weight that there is no way I can do everything.

There's always a bright side. That silly run that Lillie does down the hall, her legs hardly bending, drool seeping out of her gaping smile, her shoulders scrunched up toward her ears and her chest out, no part of her prepared to catch her body when she falls. There's nothing funnier than seeing her run.

I have no photos tonight, only a picture in my head of all my girls in the grocery cart, meandering down the aisles. They were all in one place, concentrated in a four foot square, sharing space and brushing up against each other like it was normal. This is their world, every waking moment spent with their lives revolving around each other, sharing a room, arguing about food, noticing unfairness in everything.

I think when they're older I will long for the ability to concentrate them into a small space again like that. Have my lanky-six-year-old feed my baby part of her free supermarket cookie. I may not even miss their ages quite as much as I'll miss our closeness, our daily battle for survival. It's hard, but I love it.

10 comments:

Raelyn said...

Well said Sara, Well said! And, for the record....my bed is full of clean clothes...just longing for me to fold them!

Laurel said...

i love that you love it.

thank you for loving it.

jakenapril said...

dang! how do you do it? you have such a way with words. i think the same things but i cannot convey it the way that you can. i. am. amazed. and in awe. no picture needed. i think that, as moms, we know just what picture you have in your head...and we have the same.
ain't it the greatest job? ever?

Jodi said...

There is a song by Hillary Weeks that I am practicing for our visiting teaching conference that sums up how you are feeling! I love the chorus because it says...He believes in what you're doing, He believes in who you are! It gives me chill bumps every time!

Latisha said...

Great synopsis of life as a mom - as usual. You have such a gift to explain what we all feel.

Team Bowers said...

Yes, thank you for putting it into words for all of us!!

Erin said...

There will come a day when the laundry is folded(and put away), and the house is quite, that you will remember days like this and wonder where they went! Enjoy every moment, they are gone way too fast!

missy said...

I sort of want to copy and paste this into my own blog. Would you mind?

(just kidding about actually doing it btw)

Jessie said...

hisarah

jakenapril said...

*sigh* you've done it again. wonderful!