Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Itchy


Anyone else's kids driving them completely insane? All the questions, the whining, the way they say, "hey Moooooom??" drawn out like a prison sentence?

Well. I figured it out. Their needyness grips onto me in such a way that I feel like I'm going out of my mind sometimes. I wonder why such little people can take away my choices and make me feel like a slave.

I have discovered it's because I love them so much. I don't want to hug my six year old for the 50th time because she's "scared that daddy isn't home and can't go to sleep without him". But I do because I love her. She walks toward me and my first urge is to reach out sternly and turn her shoulders back around and march her back into her bed. But at the last moment, my arms turn to jelly, and I hug her. With a grudge, but it is a hug. I pick up the baby who is wallowing in misery at my feet, even though my shoulders ache. I can't help myself.

I hate how much I love them sometimes! The love that has crippled me and caused me to misplace my backbone. Have you seen it anywhere? It's got to be around here somewhere... It would be so easy if we didn't love them. As long as we knew they were physically safe we could shut the door to their rooms at bedtime and not worry when they whine our name over and over. We could say no every time they asked for a popsicle because we wouldn't care about their feelings. It would be so easy.

But I let them eat popsicles. And sneak out of their beds. Because I love them, so much it makes my insides itch.

7 comments:

Jennifer said...

I have to keep reminding myself that Summer won't last long and that I need to put other things away and enjoy my time with Abby. She loves the attention and will let me know if I'm not meeting her standards. :)

missy said...

Oh Sarah...it's like reading candy. Your writing. I love it. It's everything I have in my head but written down in a perfectly concise two paragraphs with one last sentence that gets me. Every time.

Dena said...

Itchy. Yeah. I'm pretty itchy, too. It's beautiful, though, to read about your itches.

My heart stretches out to Florida each time you post. Because, you know, in that great, warm state, there's one treasured little house lucky enough to shelter the computer upon which you type.

I love my trips to Florida each day. I think I'll give Braiden a popsicle tonight.

Jessie said...

comeoverandswim

Sharry said...

i saw this quote on a bumper sticker once and have loved it's truth ever since. given your title and content i thought it appropriate...

HOME - WHERE YOU CAN SCRATCH WHERE IT ITCHES.

happy scratching!
love you...love you all.

Latisha said...

I think we all have those moments when we are "drowning in children." I know I've been there lots of times. I've learned that loving my children also means that occasionally I DO tell them no. For my sanity and for their own good. I'm certain your girls have no doubt that you love them. It's obvious to all of us. Good luck finding that delicate balance.

Anonymous said...

i have to laugh...this is just so funny. I've been there, done that. Glad I'm not the only mom who feels this way sometimes...