Thursday, June 11, 2009

The end, the beginning.


Big sigh. Big huge sigh.

I turn 30 on Sunday. And I've got leftovers for abs.

I guess looking older means you just look more tired. Because that's what I see in the mirror as time passes, that I just look worn out. But it's not only looks. It's what it feels like to be 30. Like I should start drinking herbal tea and buy a cat. And I should walk slower and start hunching. And I should get my nails done.

Thirty. It falls off the tongue quickly and leaves a bit of an after taste. It means I drive a mini van and not even as a joke.

I have a couple talents. Like singing. I've always been able to sing. But when I hear someone that's really really good at it, I feel really bad at it. And I think, if I don't have singing, what do I have? It was always the thing I could fall back on if everything failed. As in, I don't have good table manners or skinny fingers, but at least I can sing, right? And when you can't fall back on it, it's just depressing.

That's how I feel about 30. If I was going crazy out of my mind with the kids, if I didn't have a career of any sort, if I hadn't finished college, if I didn't have an organized house, if I didn't prepare my food storage, if I didn't write in the kid's journals, it was OKAY. It was okay because I was still in my 20's.

But now. Sigh.

There are no excuses.

20 comments:

Jessie said...

hisarah
whatareyoiudoingforyourebirthday

Anonymous said...

Oh, you young little chicken. You think thirty is bad, wait until you hit fourty! The thirties are THE BEST. Who cares if you drive a mini van. You've got three kids. Grab thirty by the throat and tell it who is boss. Because that's what the thirties are about. Finding your true inner strength. Celebrate with style and be proud!

sarah said...

Hey! I turn 30 on Monday. And I drive a mini van AND I sing- its what I DO!!! Cool huh? Not sure how I feel about the 30's yet but I think it will grow on me. Love your blog- I'm just a blog stalker usually. ;)

Kristie said...

It's good to be in your 30's. In your 30's people take you seriously - you've got nothing to proove - your not trying to fit in or be someone else - your just you, and that's great. In your 30's your still young enough to dance around the house or jump on the trampoline - being in your 30's is all good - or at least this is what I tell myself :)

Kristie said...

Oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY xoxo

Sharry said...

OH PUHLEASE! call me when you're turning 45 honey...we'll talk perspective!

Sharry said...

i love you...

Lynnie said...

John told me the other day that we were definitely in our 30s. Not even dude, I pointed out that neither one of us is quite 30. John's got 3 months and I've got a year and 4 months. But yeah, i think 3 kids and a minivan kinda make you feel 30 sometimes. and I do think it's something to sigh about.

lindseyj said...

Well at least you still LOOK like you did when you were 20. I look AND feel 30 ;)

Rebecca Smylie said...

Oh no Sarah. I think you're wrong. I think you're going to come into yourself this next decade. Forty hits and you'll have PLENTY to fall back on.

Love you dearly-

Leanne said...

Sarah you are beautiful and sing great no matter what age you are!

badknee said...

sarah.....you can sing WAY better than i ahve ever heard anyone!!! you are amazing at singing!!! and sarah, honestly you look 25 to me!!! you still look young and you will probably be thanking those freckles someday for covering your winkles!!! haha just kidding!!

Megan said...

Try being 31 (tomorrow) with terrible table manners, chubby fingers attached to man hands AND not being able to sing! Try that!

Lillie said...

You turned 30 on Sunday??!! THIS is when I wish I kept up on facebook... it probably would have told me. Happy Birthday!

Oh what a lovely age. I'm excited to be 30. My mom always tells me that's when she sincerely stopped caring what people thought(about the dumb stuff). I could use a little more of that. You make it all look so lovely to me.

So are you trying to tell me... you're a KILLER photographer, an artist in general on top, a mother with enough love for all the unloved children there ever were, a freckled beauty queen with the whitest whites of her eyes you've ever seen, a sister in every sense of it, a.. umm... realtor?, a sensational writer,....

AND....you sing?

Are you kidding me? I didn't know that one.

Chelsea Stewart said...

Hi Sarah,
We were in the same ward in Lehi and we've been to a few girls' nights together...

I just have to write and tell you, singing isn't your only talent! The way you can get your thoughts onto paper so eloquently is amazing to me! I love to read your blog, both for the pictures you take (I would never think of half the things you take pics of...they're beautiful!!) as well as your commentary. You are seriously amazing!! Happy Birthday! (I turn 30 this year too... :( .....)

kevin said...

you should be celebrating!
how about a tattoo?
ive got a great idea for one:
"all i got for my 30th birthday was this tattoo"

classic and hilarious. what do you think?

LuCDay said...

Wow, you really got me excited for my birthday coming up. I heard 30s meant more body aches and more sleep needed and a slower metabolism. But if that's the case, I turned 30 at least 5 years ago. You're not alone my friend...sigh.

Celeste said...

Happy Birthday Sarah! I'm hoping 30 doesn't mean I have to buy a mini van just yet :) You look great at 30 and I hope you have a great day to celebrate.

missy said...

Get out. You make 30 look like the new 20.

ThE RaSmUsSeN's said...

Hi Sarah, I'm still one of your biggest blog stalkers!!
you blogged about turning 30 the day I turned 30!! I had to prepare my self for weeks to be ready for that big one!!!
Well, Let me tell you, you're one of the most beautiful 30 year old woman, who happens to be a mom of three, that I know!! I thought that you inspired me, but now that I know you're 30, you inspire me even more, cause you know, people totally take you more seriously when you're 30!!