Thursday, January 10, 2008


My life has been one giant tornado.. there are remnants of what my life used to be. Like, my Real Estate Agent name tag is in my bathroom drawer. And my car still has Utah plates. A Snowbird sticker on my computer. I have been talking about flying home to Eureka, CA, to see my sister when she's on leave from the Army (she's been in Iraq). Suddenly today it hits me. For the first time. Eureka isn't really home anymore. It's not even really my second home. Granted, it's been 10 years since I moved away for college... but I thought Humboldt County was in my bone marrow. I think it still is, but I had this wave of detachment.. like I am going there as a visitor. WEIRD. I suppose it's all part of "moving on" (that phrase has never meant much to me).

I am so excited, though. Eat some pizza on the arcata plaza, go inside co-op, and realize that half of the shoppers are homeless and living out of their vans. Maybe go longboard the road into Patrick's Point.. Oh wait, lest we forget, I am 16 weeks pregnant (my Dr. said I am a week further along than I thought! Due June 26 or thereabouts). So no longboarding for you, Ms. Smylie. I will probably grab a sandwich at Hole in the Wall in Eureka and sit with Naomi and wonder if I had that much energy at 18. Maybe marvel at the mold that grows EVERYWHERE. Sing several hymns w/ my siblings while playing the piano and then laugh so hard because someone has accidentally spit on the keys while singing a consonant, or crack up because someone exaggerates their vibrato. "Why can't you all just be serious?! You were onto something truly beautiful there", Mom will say. She'll look at Dad, who will stiffen and get very serious like, "Yes, honey, I agree, and there wasn't a hint of a smile on my face, I promise!"
I will spend time with Rachel who I am afraid will be weathered, grown up, hardened, softened, changed, rebirthed, and everything else. She's been in Iraq as an Army Medic since June.

Then the lovely Universe will shout to me: We have created a way for you to see your family all the time. It's called- 10 million dollars. And you can all buy houses in a row on the beach somewhere. And I'll give the universe a high-five and ask for one more favor. Yes Ms. Smylie? Ok, I need a mountain in the backyard with snow on it so Jake can snowboard. And then I'll get a wink and a 'maybe' which all the Medley kids know from our Dad that, "MAYBE MEANS YES!!!!!!"


sharry said...

i'm sorry that you're sad. wish there was something i could do a thousand miles away - alas, i can only tell you i love you. and yours. the world has a way of fixing itself when rudely thrown off it's axis - that's the good part of "the plan". the suckie part is that sometimes it takes awhile. sorry.

Naomi Medley said...

oh im so excited that you thought of me while writing that. and dont speak so soon... im almost 19! another 2 months thats it!! hadang. im totally going to have everyone read it. its great. love ya mucho! nomes

Justin & Di said...

I got your blog from Mel.... Sarah I miss your smile sitting in the front of RS...I miss the game nights (granted I only came to one)...well I guess I just miss YOU.... I am glad that I get to see you through the blog.
love ya
Dianna Gwilliam

Celeste Pearson said...

I know what you mean about "home" not feeling like "home" so much any more...only being at moonstone beach for some reason really helps...and smug's pizza..which was closed for the holidays by the way!!I guess home is where you are now with your sweet girls. you're luck to have the beach so close.

jessie said...

i am glad that you and jake and the girls live in florida next to me. so i am not alone. and you can come over anytime.

Anonymous said...

Sarah, maybe you can visit anytime you like. Hey, that beach-mountain thing? California comes pretty close... Love you guys, Dad

Rhiannon Nielsen said...

I feel the same way about where do you really call home? I still call AZ home and it hasn't been my home in quite awhile.
I think it's because we still remember the good things about the places we grew up with.
I will forever say that I'm from AZ not UT no matter how many years I live here.