Reflections

It snowed last week. I am wearing a comfy sweatshirt and LOVING that the girls are in bed. This last weekend we had 17 people sleeping in our house. Jake's brother, Levi, got married on Saturday. Every one of the Smylies were in attendance and we all love eachother so much. No one escaped a tear when everyone parted ways on Sunday morning, headed for the airport and some for the open road. I also read some blogs about how fast time goes, how much we cherish our little ones and how we miss them terribly as they grow up and move out on their own. I dread that day... When I watch our parents go through separation anxiety quite often, I realize that it never gets better. The love of a family is so intense and it never subsides.
How can I saturate myself with my girls so that it won't be so hard? Is there a way?
I had the best childhood. I loved being a little girl and I loved growing up in a big family and I loved summers, winters, rain, sun, the beach, and the ever-present smell of mold that pervades every car and house on the northwest coast. I can hear in my mind right now the hum of voices and excitement that happened when all of us were living at home. There was always someone shouting out, or singing, or making messes.
Now, onto grown-up life, I am raising my own girls. It's an amazing experience. One that constantly challenges me and makes days go by really fast and really slow. I can't believe what little blessings my babies are. They're perfect.
Good luck this week, to everyone who reads my blog, and I hope we can hug and kiss our babies a little more often.

‘We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.’ ~ Carlos Castenada

This quote hit me today. How true this is. I was reading up on some news and just getting so sad about Sudan. The people of Darfur. I just want to bring the 2.5 million displaced African people into my home. They can have my comfy bed and my living room and I'll even let them into the church for shelter, and I'll turn my faucet on and give them my clothes and hug them. I'll tell the idiot running the government over there that he needs to let the U.N. angels administer what they are willing to administer. Why can't people realize the power, delicacy and beauty of life?

Anyway, the quote made me realize how lucky we all are and how little I have to complain about. I need to be strong only for the reason that the sufferers in Sudan are strong while they lose their family members and don't even have water to drink...

My gem, Ruby.

She cannot get any cuter. Even the least-biased human being would agree.

Jake and I went on a date tonight. We went to Cafe Rio and shared a chicken quesadilla and chips and salsa. It was DEEE-LISH. We stopped by Old Navy and bought Grace two pairs of jeans. Poor girl, she is going through a growth spurt and doesn't fit into anything she wore last month, and it's getting SO COLD here.

Then we went to Barnes n' Noble and read books there for a couple of hours. I read "How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk", lots about how family upbringing can effect a marriage. I picked it up off the shelf as a joke for Jake to see, but then started to become interested in the material. I also read some excerpts from, "Mindless Eating, etc.". Interesting research on American eating habits. Jake read up on some "High Times" Marijuana magazine, as a joke for me to see. Joke was soon over and he continued with Forbes Magazine "Top 400 richest men in America". Interesting stuff. He really wants to start his own business eventually. I married an entreprenuer, and he married a good speller.

Laurel came into town for a visit. How did it take like 15 minutes for us to meet in 6th grade, graduate from high school, tackle college, get married and have two kids? I wish we lived closer, she is a sister to me. On top is a photo of my Grace and her Alex doing "playhousedisney.com". We plan to force them into best-friendship before they get to kindergarten.

In other news, I passed my big fat State Real Estate Exam today. It's different than the exam I passed last week. Today's was the big dog. So I get to send in my paperwork and I get my license in the mail and then it's onto whatever's next. "What's next"? I don't know. It's the never-ending question.

It feels so weird to be a mom sometimes. I am a 27-yr old female with a healthy memory, no gray hairs, not too many wrinkles... but being a mom puts me in an entirely different bracket. It's like I've been packaged with a "homely" label and sort of put in a special area for moms. We're essential. But we're a non-make-upped, pony-tailed, non-stylish wasteland of a tired, stressed out face, and we all start looking the same to everyone. I wish it wasn't true, but someone's got to say it. Today I can say it.

The worst part is the ghastly way society treats you. I have spent hours on the phone with professionals lately, particularly since August. I have had to get a few home loans and have worked with several male loan officers, realtors, bankers, the list goes on and on. They shelve me. I'm the 'stay at home mom' or the 'angry wife' and they roll their egocentric eyes at me before I utter my second sentence. I guarantee one thing: when they've had a bad day at the mortgage firm, the first person they call is their wife or their mother. We are essential, beautiful, fiery, intelligent, composed, well-spoken and under-appreciated. All of us.

I will write more when I have calmed down...

I hope all of you have had a great week. Here's to another one.

It never ends

So. How's everyone out there doing? cyber-friends and non cyber-friends, we are all connected, really. Even if it's just by the moon.. or.. unemployment. I'll explain.

So my husband quit his job. Let that brand itself into your brain tissue. QUIT. Now that you are shocked, I will go on to say the following: Jake has hated his job on and off since he started it in March. We always kind of knew it was temporary, a means to get by while we decided what to do for a career. His job was commission-only pay, which means one month he'll make $7,000 and the next he'll make nothing. Well the "nothing" went on for most of August and all of September and we just couldn't make "nothing" anymore. We're moving onto bigger and better future plans. So he is working at a temp job this month and has a full-time job at e-Trade lined up starting Nov. 6th (albeit a lot less money, let's hear it for steady paychecks, yayayyyy!!!).

Our master plan: While working at e-Trade, he is going to start Heli Flight School (Helicopter) in a few months and will graduate and become an instructor within a year. He has never been more excited about a career! He'll instruct and fly clients. We plan to eventually start our own Heli Service in some exotic place... and the girls will marry natives... hopefully LDS natives... that love in-laws...

Plan B is graduate school. If we go that route, Jake will do a two-year program for Information Technology Management. Basically, MS in Information Systems. Those guys usually start out w/great pay and move up fast. But, they do all have diabetes from being desk-ridden. Jake is prone, so we'll have to see about that one. We don't want to be stuck in a sales job our whole lives. It works for some guys wonderfully, but not for us.
Meanwhile... we have one house for sale up the hill, I just passed my real estate exam Tuesday, and things have never been crazier. Our lives are insane!!! I don't know if we'll stay in our house or move to Provo, where the flight school airport is. School is expensive, so we may need to live in a cheaper place for the next year.

I always told Jake I wanted adventure. I wanted to move to cool places and throw pebbles at conformity and tradition... The day Jake quit he came home and we sat on our sofa together and he turned to me and asked with a smile, "Well, is this adventurous enough for you?" I laughed. A strained, but honest, laugh.